Lean on me
by Never-Any-Ink
Summary: Season Four. Izzie finds out she has cancer. Will her friends support her even after they find out about her affair with George? NEW CHAPTER! Mark finally makes his move!
1. Suddenly Alone

A/N: Ok this is my first story! In a nutshell, everyone finds out that George and Izzie slept together! And she finds herself alone! But then she finds that she is seriously ill she doesn't know what to do or how to cope. So what happens?

Set at the start of the forth season! Not sure about coupling yet!

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did I would not be writing this!

Derek knocked on the door. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

Addison opened the door. "Derek? What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were leaving…"

Addison looked at him. "Come in…"

Derek looked around her empty room. Her bags were packed and were lying on the bed. "You're really going? Why? It's nothing to do with… me… is it?"

Addison laughed. "Don't flatter yourself. I'm going back to New York. There's nothing left for me here. I need a change. I… I've done my bit here." She nodded and smiled slightly. "I heard you got chief. Well done. I knew it would happen for you."

Derek sighed. "Yeah, I turned it down. I don't w- … I don't need it. Anyway I just wanted to say... Goodbye. God it sounds so weird. You're really going?"

Addison nodded. "I'm really going. It's about time. I was only suppose to stay the week."

Derek grinned, "But you stayed to torture me."

"I stayed to torture you," she agreed. They both smiled at each other for a second.

"Good luck Addy, with everything. I hope you find what you're looking for!" Derek leant over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Give me a call if you're ever in town…"

Derek nodded, he was about to leave the room when Addison called him.

"Derek…" she'd just remembered something that was playing on her mind. She knew asking Derek would help. "If you knew… or thought you knew that someone you knew was cheating on your friend… would you tell them?"

"What?"

"If you thought someone was cheating on your friend… would you tell them? Would you get involved?"

Derek thought for a second. "Yes. I wish someone had told me about you and Mark. And I bet you're glad someone told you about Meredith and me before you came down from New York."

Addison knew she he was right. "Thanks. Take care of yourself. "

As soon as Derek shut the door Addison picked up her mobile. As she dialed the number she felt slightly disloyal to the intern that she had always considered to have a promising career in her field. She sighed. "Sorry Izzie" she muttered to herself. . "Callie? It's Addison. I think I know something. I can't be definite but … I think you need to hear this. Yeah. It's about George and Izzie."

Izzie was sitting by the lockers with Meredith. They'd been chatting about everything from Derek to their new post as residents to the disposal of the food at Cristina's wedding. It was their first day back and everything seemed different.

"Can't believe Burke just left… Can't believe it…" Izzie pondered.

"She wasn't Cristina anymore. She was Cristina with no personality and no eyebrows," Meredith replied. "It's probably for the best."

Izzie sighed. "Love sucks."

"It does," she agreed.

Izzie thought carefully before she said anything. "I've kinda been feeling a bit ill lately. I don't know if it's just, you know, nothing but I…"

She was cut of by the door being slammed open. Callie O'Malley marched in looking nothing short of furious. "You bitch!" she screamed in Izzie's direction before seizing her by the neck and slamming her against the lockers. "You slutty, manipulative, deceiving bitch!"

"Callie!" Meredith cried, alarmed. "Callie get off her!"

But Callie wasn't listening as she slapped Izzie hard and sharp around the face.

Izzie muffled a scream as she staggered backwards. "Callie wait…"

"I knew it! I knew you would screw me over as soon as you could! I was nice to you, I was a friend to you… But you… you…"

Callie was over come with rage again and slapped Izzie again, knocking her to the ground with the force. .

"Alright, enough!" Meredith shouted but there was little she could do to break the two up. She tried her best to shield Izzie.

"I can't believe you…"

"Let me explain…" Izzie tried, desperately. "Callie…"

"No, no. Just don't," Callie shouted angrily pulling Izzie off the floor and holding Izzie firmly. "You think because you're… What were George's words? A blonde, stacked, supermodel? That you can just have whoever you like. We're married. He was mine. He is mine!" She was shaking Izzie violently as she spoke, smacking her into the lockers prompting Alex to rush over.

"What are you doing, man? Get off her!" He prized Callie of Izzie.

George then ran into the room. He had come in to give in his resignation from the programme following his failure of the intern examination.

He ran over to Izzie, startled. "Callie what are you doing?"

Callie just looked at him in disbelief. "And here you are protecting her. I'm your wife George. I can't believe you!"

George looked at Izzie. "You told her!"

"Told her what?" Meredith demanded. She looked between Callie, Izzie and George completely baffled. Callie looked mad, George looked like he was about to cry and Izzie was bleeding through her blonde locks.

"Well go on!" Callie said. She had noticed that everyone in the locker room was now staring at them. "Tell them what you done." She was actually staring at Izzie. "Tell them all what a selfish little slut you really are!"

Izzie looked away.

"Callie please!" George begged. "It was only once! I was drunk! It was a stupid mistake! It was a stupid drunken mistake! Tell her Izzie, tell her!"

It suddenly dawned on everyone in the room. "You slept with him?" Alex asked, pointedly to Izzie. He let Callie out of his grip and stared in disbelief.

"Izzie TELL HER!" George demanded desperately. "Callie I love you! I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. Callie listen to me…"

Callie shook her head and walked out.

George looked back at Izzie. "I can't believe you told her…" and with that he ran off after his wife.

Silence washed over the room, but Izzie could feel all eyes on her. Dr. Model, the intern who'd fallen in love and killed a patient, the doctor who had been put on probation was now being humiliated again.

"You slept with George?' Meredith said slowly. She gave Izzie a disappointed look and then followed George out of the door.

Alex was still staring at Izzie but she knew he was looking at her in disgust. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do.

The door opened and Sloan walked in. "Karev, I need you down in OR 3." He looked over at Izzie. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." She muttered although she was almost in tears.

Dr. Sloan looked slightly concerned though. "Come find me later and I'll suture that cut." He took a glance back at her as he left.

Izzie sat down as everyone began to leave the locker room for rounds, sucking up, or Webbers first day speech. She didn't know how Callie had found out but she certainly hadn't told her. Tears rolled down her face as she thought about the look George gave her. She loved him or she thought she did. But he chose Callie. And now he hated her. And everyone hated her. She looked up as the door opened, wiping her tear stained face.

Cristina burst in looking excited. "I heard there was a fight! Did I miss it?"

A/N: Ok I promise I'll get to the point in the next chapter. Please review! And thanks for reading! I don't know which couple to go for? Gizzie? McStizzie? Or Lexie? I personally think this has a lot of McStizzie potential!


	2. A Cyst?

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Love you all. Hopefully this is getting more to the point in this chapter!

Izzie looked exhausted by the time lunctime arrived. It had been a long few hours. All new residents were supposed to be breifed by the chief resident but Callie had 'gone missing' so Baily had done the speech instead. Izzie knew that everyone had been throwing her dirty looks during the talk. Most people knew why Callie wasn't there. George was also absent. They then were breifed by the chief who explained new procedures for residents. The rest of the day acted as a training day for their residency, they were tested vigorously on surgical skills and taking historys. Izzie had struggled through the morning getting a lot of questions wrong and being confused over surgical practises. She was cleary distracted and got little correct.

At lucntime Izzie walked into the lunch room to where they all used to sit as interns. Alex was avoiding her gaze, Meredith still looked at her with disappointment and Georges seat was empty. She could feel many eyes on her.

"Why is everyone saying you screwed Bambie?" Cristina asked, passing Izzie who had stalled at the entrance to the lunch room.

Izzie just stared at her blankly. Cristina, despite the disappearance of Burke, seemed extremely happy. Clearly she had done well in her surgical tests and had even put some of the attendings to shame.

"You did," Cristina said in realisation. "Oh my god, no wonder everyone looks pissed at you. Izzie are you crazy? He's married." She shook her head. "God do I have to say this to everyone? You want an easy screw, you don't pick on George."

Izzie shook her head at Cristina. She didn't need this to add to her terrible day. "He was not an easy screw!"

"So what? You love George?" Cristina laughed, glancing towards Meredith. "Look love makes you weak. Love gets you trampled over. You let your guard done. You start to care. Love screws you up. Nothing more, nothing less."

Cristina looked back over at Meredith and Alex. "You gonna join us or what?"

"I doubt I'm welcome."

Cristina grinned. "God, you are gonna have to avoid Callie for the rest of your life. Good luck with that!"

Izzie walked back out of the room and crashed into Mark. "Sorry," she muttered.

Mark took her arm. "You said you'd let me have a look at that," he said, nodding at the cut on her forehead.

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"It looks deep and it needs stitches. Come on, I'll fix it up now!"

Izzie looked up at him, confused. "I'm fine! Just fine. Leave me alone!" she moved away from him quickly. What the hell did Sloan want? Probably heard she'd screwed George and hoped she'd do him too. Jerk.

"George!" she shouted. She'd just walked back into the nurses station and saw George rushing down the stairs.

"Izzie, not now!" he said, rushing past her.

"George, we need to talk!"

"I can't talk to you right now!"

She grabbed hold of his arm. "George!"

He looked at her and then nervously around before dragging her into a supply closet.

"Izzie, I can't talk to you anymore. I can't be around you. "

"I didn't tell Callie! It wasn't me!"

"Well someone told her! Izzie, I have to leave right now!"

"You can't go! We havin training…we have… " she trailed off. "Where are your scrubs? And your pager? I have been paging you all day!"

George sighed. "I failed. I failed the exam. I'm not longer a doctor at Seattle Grace. Or anywhere."

"What?"

"I failed Izzie and I'm not coming back! I'm not doing surgery anymore. I've given up, ok? So just leave me alone!" he almost shouted.

Izzie looked at him in shock. "You're blaming me!"

"Look my marriage is in ruins because of you… I have no job… I… I can't see you anymore Iz. I can't talk to you. I can't be your friend. Your lover. I can't be anything."

"George-"

"No," he began to stutter. "I need Callie. I… she's all I have. And if… if you stay away… we might have a chance."

Izzie stared at him. "You're choosing her…" She couldn't help but to feel painfully hurt.

"She's my wife! Izzie, she is my wife! I made vows, I made promises… She's all I have…"

"And what do I have? I have to see Callie every single day. The rest of the guys aren't talking to me! You get to leave the hospital… I… I… George, I only have you!" she cried, tears welling up in her eyes. "I only have you."

George shook his head. "You can't have me anymore. Me and Callie… we're gonna have a baby!"

That was it. Izzie's temper broke. "God, George. You are so naieve. You screw me, Callie finds out and you think you're gonna have a baby! What is wrong with you? You are not completely faultless in this! I wasn't the only person having sex that night! I wasn't the person who wanted to keep this from Callie! I wasn't the one who was married! And I didn't fail your test for you! So you want to run back to Callie with a tail between your legs, be my guest! But when you realise that you're in a dead end marriage and you want to get out… don't come to me!"

With that Izzie flung open the supply closet and walked out.

5 hours later…

"Thanks for seeing me. I'm sorry I'm late," Izzie said, sitting down infront of the general medic Dr. Berry.

He looked at her. "You're two hours late…"

Izzie looked down at her watch. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I just had a crazy day. New day as a resident. We had training, it just went on and on…" What she meant was, she had to stay behind at the end because she kept failing all the tasks. She looked up and the doctor and he looked back at her blankly. Izzie felt relieved. She'd finally found a corner in this hospital where someone wasn't talking about her, who didn't know her business, and didn't think she was a home wrecking home. She never realised how many friends Callie had until this point – even Baily seemed a little cold.

"So what can I do for you Dr. Stevens? Its unusual to get surgeons up here. They don't normally need a consult. They normaly think they know everything."

Izzie paused for a moment but the doctor smiled at her reassuringly. She guessed it was just his way of trying to be friendly...

"I haven't been feeling great lately. I've been tired and just… not myself. I didn't think it was anything, just, lifestyle, you know? New job, friends… but then… I found a lump."

She noticed the doctor sitting up from his chair quickly. "A lump?"

"Yeah, just one under my arm. And a rash across my chest." She paused, "It's probably nothing! I was thinking maybe it's a cyst…"

"Is it hard?" Dr. Berry asked, concerned.

Izzie paused again. She started to feel worried. She knew that look that Berry was giving her. She knew it wasn't good. "Yeah it's hard but it's probably just a fluid filled cysts, right?"

"We'll let's have a look," Dr. Berry said looked at her expectantly. "Come on…"

Izzie reluctantly pulled off her top. The last doctor to be looking at her topless was George.

He started inspecting her underarm and then started looking at her chest. Izzie struggled uncomfotably under his touch as he began to touch her arm and breast. "What are you doing?" she asked, pulling away from him.

Dr. Berry looked at her sympathetically. "You're a doctor, you know this is not a cyst. "

"It could be a cyst!" Izzie argued forcefully.

"It feels like an enlarged lymph glands." He looked at her. She could feel his piercing eyes trying to imply something.

"Ok, enlarge lymph glands…" she repeated, although her voice was shaking slightly. "So…"

"You ca put your top back on."

Izzie hurriedly put her top back on and looked up at him. "Dr. Berry… am I ok?"

"We're going to have to do some tests. Its most probably a tumour. Don't panick," he said quickly, seeing fear wash over her. "It's may not be malignant."

"It can't be! I'm… I'm 28… I can't have breast cancer!"

Dr. Berry nodded, "You're right. It could be nothing. If you just go back to surgery and get an x-ray done I can do a fine needle aspiration and send some cell samples to a lab and see what results they come up with-"

"I can't go to surgery!" Izzie almost shouted, tears were forming and her head was pounding. "I can't go down to surgery, I just can't…"

Dr. Berry stared at her. "Dr. Stevens-"

"I CAN'T!" she insisted. How could she possibly go to X ray? X ray means bones. Bones.means Callie. Callie means…

D. Berry sighed. "Ok, come back tomorrow and we'll do a fine needle biopsy and I'll schedule an ultrasound. Then we should know…"

Izzie just stared at him in horror. How could this be happening? How could any of this day possibly be real? She'd been beaten by Callie. Her friends turned against her. Her relationship with George as a friend and lover had been shattered and now she could be seriously ill. Even if the tumour was not cancerous, which it probably was not, she'd still have to undergo surgery and she'd be alone. Izzie didn't even know how to get home tonight. Obviously she wasn't hitching a ride with Meredith and her and Alex were mad at her anyway so how would she cope at home? She didn't even know why they were so angry at her. She'd have to face Callie tomorrow as it was their first day as actual residents – not just training and the entire surgical floor, at least, were talking about her.

Izzie walked out of the room in complete silence, not knowing where to go. She could go home. Try and talk to Meredith. Dr. Berry had told her to find someone to come with her tomorrow – but who did she have? She could go to Joe's. But everyone would probably be there. She could take a long shot and go to Cristina's but that really was a ridiculous idea. So Izzie sat on a bench outside the hospital. She was to numb to think, to numb to feel, to numb to cry. She pulled out her phone and switched it on. There was one unread message.

She looked down at the screen. It was a text from Addison. It read _'I had to. I'm really sorry.' _Izzie looked back at the hospital. "So am I," she muttered.

A/N: Ok so obviously the fic is not gonna end up Gizzie. Probably McStizzie. Although figgiesbabe does put across a very funny Lexie argument!

Anyway thanks for reading – I think there's something wrong with this chapter. Like too much dialogue? Or scenes are too short? Any idea? Please Review! Sherry x


	3. Fear and Friends

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! It really helps motivate me! This fic is still McStizzie or Lexie but really it's supposed to be about friendship too so hopefully no one will stop reading if you don't like the coupling! Oh and in this fic Izzie and Addison weren't friends but Izzie thought she could trust Addison but, well, she was wrong! Izzie's too distracted to be mad though.

Right…

Izzie opened the door to the house slowly. She was relieved to find Alex and Meredith were both out and she could finally relax in her own home. After sitting outside the hospital for nearly an hour, she realised she had to return home.

She fell back against the couch and buredi her head in her hands. Her brain was buzzing. She had to return to radiology to have the biopsy done tomorrow. She'd also have to retake all the training day tests. She also had to face Callie again. She also had to work out what to do about George. And what to do about about her friends.

"Izzie? You left the door open?"

Izzie jumped up from the couch and looked up at the figure standing in the doorway. "Dr. Sloan, what are you doing here?" she asked, irritated.

"You can call me Mark," he replied smiling.

Izzie ignored his comment and repeated her initial question. "What are doing?"

Mark leaned against the wall before ansewing slowly, "I was looking for Derek. Hoping he would be here."

Izzie shook her head. "Well he's not."

"Oh."

Izzie noticed he looked a little disappointed. "What did you want him for?"

Mark hesistated for a moment, "I… I heard Addison left. I just wanted to check. You know. She didn't say goodbye so… I thought he might know something."

"He might be at Joe's."

Mark for a moment was looking vulnerable but he gained composure quickly and smiled again. "Well it's no rush. You don't know anything do you?"

Izzie remembered Addisons text. 'Except that she's ruined my life,' she thought. "No I don't, I'm sorry. "

Mark nodded. "You know, that cut is still bleeding. I could look at it for you."

Izzie became irritated again. "It's fine. I'm fine. I'm a doctor to you know?"

"And I'm a specialist in plastics. I know simple lacerations from the nasty ones." Before Izzie could stop him he pulled back her hair and began examining the cut.

"Dr. Sloan!" Izzie protested.

"I told you. Call me Mark. I'm going to call you Izzie." He smiled at her slightly. Izzie never understood why people fell weak at the knees over this man. But for a single second she appreciated the smile. It was the only one she had received all day from someone other then Dr. Berry.

"Nasty laceration this one," he commented. "Quite a blow." But he said nothing else. Izzie expected him to comment about Callie ask about George but he mentioned nothing. He left after cleaning out her cut. He didn't put sticthes but Izzie had a funny feeling he would harrass her at work about it.

Even if Sloan was trying to get into her pants or seduce her, at least he was talking to her.

The next morning….

Izzie lied back on the chair as she watched the intervention radiologist preparing the needle. She had come in early into the hospital to have the needle biopsy done before her first official day as a resident. She had an ultrasound taken before hand so that the radiologist could guide the needle to the correct area.

"Ok," the radiologist said, smiling at Izzie, "I'm just going to anaethesize the breast with an injection of lidocaine which should numb the area. You may feel some pain but hopefully it will be minimal. I'll have to get a sample of around 2cm of breast tissue so that will be about three insertions. Is that ok?"

Izzie nodded. "Yeah that's fine."

"I'm going to use a 16 gauge needle – it is quite large and has a cutting edge. Are you ok with needles?" she asked, kindly.

Izzie nodded again. "Yeah, I'm a surgical resident at this hospital so I'm ok with them, thanks."

The radiologist slowly inserted an injection of the anaethetic before looking up at Izzie."You're a surgeon?" she asked, mildly surpirsed. She glanced over at Izzie's notes. "Right, you're Dr. Stevens." Izzie noticed the smile vanish from the radiologists face. "You're the girl who cut the LVAD wire?"

Izzie looked up sharply. "What?"

"You're famous around this department." Her eyes narrowed as she picked up the gauge needle. She took one look at the ultrasound before jabbing the sharp needle forcefully onto into Izzie's breast tissue.

Izzie let out a scream, caught off guard. "Ow… you didn't give the anaethetic time to work…" she said, looking up at the radiologist who had a slight smile on her face, but the not the friendly smile she had before.

"The biopsy may leave some bruising but not an external scar," she explained. She took another sample, she did it slowly but with the same unnecessary force. "I'm Janet Karr. I went to medical school with Dr. O'Malley"

"O'Malley?" Izzie asked.

"Callie O'Malley. We were good friends. Actually, we still are." She pulled out the needle and took another look at the ultrasound. "Here's the thing, there's a rumour going around that the doctor who cut the LVAD wire, as in you, has been screwing around with my friends husband. What do you think Dr. Stevens? Is it just a rumour?"

Izzie didn't know what to say. Overnight she had become the home wrecker, the mistress, the scarlet woman, the McLifeRuiner. But somehow the persecution she was facing was so much worse then what Meredith had been through last year. Maybe that's why Addison had done it. Some sort of twisted revenge.

Izzie just turned away from Janet as she inserted the last needle almost stabbing her with it, although by this point the anasthetic was beginning to work. "Do you believe in karma, Dr. Stevens?"

Izzie paused nefore answering. She didn't know what to say. Clearly Janet hated her and she had every right to. "I… I'm… Er… why?"

She took out the needle and began slapping thin bandages across the insertions. "I think this is yours," she replied. She paused before looing up at Izzie. "You can put your clothes back on. I'll send this up to Pathology and Dr. Berry will inform you when he has the results."

Izzie nodded. "Thanks," she muttered, nervously. In less than 24 hours Izzie had become a shadow of the person she was. The normal Izzie would have set Janet straight about her affair with George and would have demanded to be treated with the same respect Janet would have given any other patient. But today Izzie was alsmot child like. Scared and nervous, she fumbled as she pulled her top back on.

Janet turned to her before she left. "Quite a reputation you have in our department, Dr. Stevens. Get cheated on by a fellow intern, falling in love with patients, cutting an LVAD wire, quitting the programme, being put on probation and now ruining the chief of residents marriage. Not to mention your previous lingere modelling. You're our celebrity doctor around here. "

Izzie could feel her heart beating fast, not sure if she was about to scream or cry. "I didn't mean to hurt Callie. I did't want to ruin her marriage."

"Callie told me you always had a grudge against her. Now we know why. So don't pretend you ever meant well by her. You tried to steal her husband. But he chose her. Not quite the catch you think you are, doctor? Try not to use deodrants, sprays or lotions in the affected area for the next 24 hours, It could cause an inflammation."

Izzie opened her mouth to respond to her harsh critisisms but really had no idea what to say. "I…"

"Have a nice day, Dr. Stevens," she replied dismissively.

Izzie didn't have a nice day. Callie had taken the day of again which just made things worse. It seemed the longer Callie was absent the more people talked.Then Izzie had her first patient as a resident. He was a seriously drunk patient with a heart arythmia. Following Burke's spontaneous quitting there was no Cardiotherasic Attending to help her and Izzie found herself running round in circles trying to treat him. She was relectant to ask any other residents for help too – following her training day she did not want to look like anymore of a failure.

Izzie was slightly thankful for the distraction. She had no time for lunch or break so she didn't have to talk to anyone. She managed to avoid all watchful eyes and inquiring people.

Izzie opened the locker room door quietly, hoping that the others had left already and she could be alone whilst packing up her stuff for the day. She paused as she heard Merediths voice on the other side of the lockers and waited to listen to the conversation.

"Apparently he failed the exam. I don't get it. It's George. He gets nervous at the practical stuff but he is great at the academic stuff. He even made _me_ retake the test. How did he end up failing?" Meredith questioned.

Alex grunted. "Distracted by Izzie, I guess."

"Oh God. Get over the jealous thing," Cristina shot at him. "So she chose Bambie over you, get over it."

"I'm not jealous. I just think it's sick. George. Her? It's like insest. He's like her brother. And he's married. He didn't keep his marriage vows for long did he?"

"You're just mad cause you still like her."

"No I'm not!" Alex argued. "He's just. It's just wrong,"

"What do you think George is gonna do?" Meredith asked. "I haven't seen him with the new intern batch."

"Well apparently him and Izzie had a fight over near the nurses station yesterday and most people are saying he's going back to Callie to be a stay at home dad," Cristina replied, clearly unimpressed.

"Callie's pregnant?"

"No. But she wants to be. Although now she's chief of surgery and seeing as George had an afafir I'm not sure if that is still on the cards!" Cristina explained.

"I still can't believe it. George and Izzie?" Meredith pondered. "One night stand? Full blown affair? I mean Alex is right. He is George. And she doesn't sleep around."

"It's nearly as bad as you and George," Alex said pointedly at Meredith.

"Well when I talked to her she said he wasn't just an easy screw," Cristina said. "Maybe they like each other. I mean they've seen each other naked. He buys her tampons. She makes him muffins. Perfect."

"They are brother and sister, man! I can't believe him. I can't believe her," Alex repeated.

"I don't even know what to say to her," Meredith responded. "It's not like I'm in the position to give relationship advice seeing as Derek is hardly speaking to me. But… she slept with George. George. I didn't even know she liked him. What do you say to that?"

"I don't know," Crisitina added. "But you could ask what's so bad about Alex that she'd rather have Denny, the walking corpse, or George over him?"

Meredith laughed and Alex grumbled at her. They continued talking about what to say to Izzie and why she did it but Izzie didn't want to hear anymore.

She crept out of the locker room and sat outside the hsopital as she had done the night before. She felt so exhausted. All she wanted to do is talk to someone. She wanted to tell them how she felt about George. How she wasn't a home wrecking whore. She wanted to defend herself. She wanted someone to defend her. She wanted someone to tell her what to do. She wanted someone to understand. She wanted to tell them about the lump and Dr. Berry. She wanted to cry. To be held. To be understood.

Her phone interrupted her train of thoughts. "Hello?"

"Dr. Stevens? This is Oncology. We have scheduled you in an appointment with Dr. Berry at 9.45 tomorrow morning. Your test results from pathology are in."

A/N: Right. I hope I'm not taking too long to get to the point! Don't want to loose your interest! Thanks for reading! Things are gonna get bad next chapter! Please review! (Not trying to beg too hard!). Sherry x


	4. The C Word

A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed and read! I really appreciate it! An extra thanks to Murgy31 whose fanfic inspired me to put Bailey in the first paragraph! Oh and no couples yet and although it seems it could be going McStizzie that's only because no one else is talking to Izzie really!

Izzie walked into the hospital slowly. She hadn't returned home last night. After sitting on the outside bench for another hour thinking over what to do Dr. Sloan slauntered over and asked if she'd like to scrub in on a reconstructive surgery. Maybe he saw Izzie alone and felt sorry for her, maybe he genuinely needed help or maybe he wanted an in to get into her bed - Izzie didn't know. What she did know is that the surgery provided a good distraction.

As she walked into the hospital she heard someone call her name. She turned around to face Dr. Bailey. "Hi Dr. Bailey," Izzie greeted nervously. After yesterdays biopsy, she knew everyone had an opinion of her and she hated to think what Dr. Bailey thought. Lingere modelling, Syph Nurse, LVADS, Probation, Home wrecking. Many things for Bailey to hate in her.

"Izzie, Dr. Torres I mean, Dr. O'Malley is back in work today and you better be careful. Do everything she says, keep out of her way, give her no reason to get mad at you and do not, do not talk about George in front f her. Do you hear me?"

Izzie was shocked by Baileys orders. "Why are you helping me?" she asked slowly. No one else had talked to her in such a way.

Bailey looked up at her. "Stevens, Dr. O'Malley can make or break your surgical carrer. It's not like being an intern. You can't make mistakes and put them down to being new. If you make a mistake as a resident then it is on her head and she is not going to take responsibility for you."

Izzie nodded quickly. "Right, yes. I will, I will…"

"You'll stay out of her way if you can help it. If she can break you, she will. She's your chief resident now."

Izzie paused. "I can't believe you didn't get it. Did you ask the chief why?"

Bailey nodded. "He muttered something about the free clinic taking up too much of my time. Not that I believe that is the real reason."

Izzie sighed. "If it is about what happened with Denny then I'm really sorry-"

"Stevens, not all of the worlds problems are your fault. Now stay away from Callie."

Izzie was so exhausted and her mind was so blocked she did not know wat to say. "I… thanks for helping me. I din't know why you are but… thanks."

"Just because you're not my interns anymore doesn't mean I can't still tell you what to do. I raised you well. I don't want you not to make it to the end because of some stupid fling. You're too good for that. I already lost O'Malleu, I don't want to loose another."

"I'm really sorry about that. About George."

"Stevens! Not everything is your fault. If George failed his test because of something so small as you, he would never have made it further then a first year resident. But he could have. He failed, for many more reasons then you. He chose not to retake the year and that was his decision. Not yours. Now you better go. Just remember what I said about Callie And one more thing?"

Izzie looked up. "Yeah?"

"Don't go after George. You can do better then a man who cheats on his wife. You can do better then that. And if you want to get through your residency then you better do better then that. Especially whilst Callie is in charge"

Izzie moved quickly away. It was nice that Bailey to speak to her and to know she wasn't to blame for everything. But at the same time, what Bailey said was true. Callie would try and break her and she couldn't give her any reason to.

"Stevens!" Izzie looked up as Callie caled her name. She was surrounded by all the first year reisdents who were all looking at her. Meredith was looking nervously between Callie and Izzie. "You're late. Why is it that all the other residents could make it ontime but you thought you were so special that you could turn up late without even an apology?"

Izzie stared at her. Callie looked at her as if she was something she'd scraped of the floor. Izzie tried to think of an excuse. _Because I was conspirering with Bailey?_ Not a good idea. _Because I may have cancer? _Not very likely anyway. _Because I didn't go home last night because everyone hated me because I slept with your husband? _Definitly not.

"Sorry Dr. Torres," Sloan slurred walking up behind Izzie. "She was with me. I asked her to do a reconstruction with me. It took a while."

Izzie looked at him. The reconstruction had ended around three hours ago. Why was he trying to help her?

Callie looked up at him. "Thank you Dr. Sloan," she knew she could not argue with the attending. He was far superior then she. "I'm Dr. O'Malley now though, not Torres," she correcting throwing a smrik in Izzie's direction. "So from now on it's O'Malley."

Sloan grinned and walked off.

Callie turned back to the group in front of her. "Ok. You're no longer interns. No more messing around, making mistakes and relying on other people. You thought that internship was hard? The joruney has just started. Now the scalpel is in your hand. People will be relying on you. You will all have to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. No one will be picking up after you, no one will be making excuses. You make a mistake – that is someones life, someones husband, someones daughter, someones mother. As a surgical resident you will be working longer hours then any other resident in the medical profession. This job is your life. You have to live and breathe surgery if you want to make it to the end of your residency. You want to know why we are called residents? Because a long time ago residents use to live in the hospital as they had no time to go home – hence the residency."

Alex snorted quietly. "Well she took it literally didn't she? She used to live in the basment!"

Callie continued. "You will work harder then you ever have in your life in the next few years. And I want the residency placements of everyone to be as effective and efficient as possible. Shifts are to be unchanged. If you are working, you are working. If you need cover you must go through me. If you need time off you mut come to me. Being late is unacceptable," she threw a dirty look at Izzie, "and being ready to work is also important. I want as minimal errors as possible." Callie looked around everyone to show she was serious. "Ok that's all."

Cristina laughed as she moved away. Despite the fact she had Callie as a bridesmaid she still didn't seem to gel with the Chief Resident. "She is trying to be the Nazi but it just doesn't work.

Izzie watched as Callie left. Her test results were due at 9.45. She needed cover but she couldn't talk to Callie. Bailey had said avoid Callie at all costs and that's what she had to do.

Izzie knew who she had to ask for help. As she approached, Cristina Yang did not give her a dirty or disappointed glance but looked rather intrigued.

"Cristina, I need your help," Izzie muttered quietly.

Cristina raised an eyebrow. "Go on…" It was not often Izzie asked her for help.

"I need to get out of here at 9.45. I won't be long. Half an hour at the most. I just… I need someone to cover for me! It's really important."

Cristian looked over at Callie. "You know, if we were playing by the rules, you would really have to ask her!"

Izie followed her gaze. "I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate. Come on Cristina, you don't like her as chief resident as much as I do, you love working and my patient is cardio. You'll know more then I would."

Cristina pondered for a moment. "What is it that you have to do, anyway?"

"I can't say."

"You're not going to see George are you? Callie will kick your ass," she looked up at the cut and bruise across Izzie's face, "again," she added.

"I'm not seeing George!"

"Good. I thought you were trying to throw away your carrer over a guy again!"

Izzie rememered the radiologists words. '_You're the girl you cut the LVAD wire. Your famous around here.'_ "You wouldn't understand," Izzie replied quietly.

"Yes I would. I nearly threw mine away too. You're a surgeon, you live for the cut, not for a guy."

"So you'll cover me?" Izzie asked, hopefully. She knew after Burke, there was little Izzie could do to chnge Cristina's mind about love. And maybe, just maybe, she was right.

"I live for the cut. I'll look after your cardio guy, but if you get a surgery? I better be scrubbing in."

Izie nodded. "Sure, yeah. Of course. Don't tell anyone about this, will you? I don't want to give people more reasons to talk about me."

"People wouldn't be talking about you if you just talked to them. They don't know what to say to you! Know one is actually ignoring you, Iz."

Izzie felt annoyed. 'They are the ones who screw around all the time and they don't know what to say to me?"

"Don't be angry at _them_. George is the weaker kid. He failed his test. His dad died, what's your excuse?" Cristina threw Izzie a questioning look but an almost sympathetic one before heading off.

Dr. Berry's Office 9.45 AM

Izzie awaited nervously as Dr. Berry apprpoached holding a brown envelope. He had a look on his face. She had seen the same look so many times. He look nervous. Anticipating bad news.

Izzie looked up at him. She felt more calm then she had yesterday. Cristina was talking to her. Bailey was talking to her. She'd scrubbed in early morning which always gave her a buzz and her first post-beat up encounter with Callie had gone more smoothly then expected. Maybe she was melodramtic. Maybe her life wasn't that bad.

"Dr. Stevens your biospy and ultrasound results have come back They show that your have a 4cm tumour below the lymph glands. The pathologists report shows that," he paused scanning the paper in front of him. He swallowed and looked up at her apprehensively. "It shows that the tumour is cancerous."

Izzie's hear skipped a beat. She had been thinking over what Cristina had said, and was hardly listening to the doctor. "I'm sorry, what?"

Dr. Berry passed her the report. He knew she was a surigical resident and had heard she studied closely under Dr. Montomery. She surely would understand the pathologists report. "It's cancer," he repeated slowly. "You have breast cancer."

Izzie snatched the report out of his hands and skim read it. "It must be wrong. This can't be right…" she muttered determindly. "I can't have breast cancer. I'm not even thirty. It must be wrong." She put the paper down and looked back at the doctor. "It must be wrong," she repeated without a question in her voice.

Dr. Berry looked at her sympathetically. "I know it must be difficult to come to terms with but -"

"I am twenty eight years old. I am a surgeon. I can't have cancer. It's just not possible! It's an enlarge lymph gland or something!"

He nodded. "Just because you are young doesn't mean you can't have breast cancer. It just means you are less at risk!"

"But I'm a surgeon! I would have known if it was cancer! I know cancer! Half the pateints admitted to my floor have cancer! I mean…" she trailed off desperately.

She avoided his gaze. He was giving her a typical doctor look. The sympathetic look when patients were in denial but at the same time thinking they were very ignorant.

"Don't look at me like that! I'm a doctor too… I can't possibly have… I…" Fear washed over her as she looked back at the test results. Every biopsy test was positive. She looked back up again. Dr. Berry pinned up the ultrasound.

"Your tumor is only 4cm wide which means it is perfectly treatable. You will be looked after by the breast care team. That will be me, breast care nurses, surgeons, physiotherapists, councilors and radiographers. At Seattle Grace you can be given the best care. Your cancer is at stage two which means survival rate is fairly high. You shouldn't be too scared."

He looked back at Izzie who was staring back at him, lost. She was hardly listening to him. She didn't know what to say. Or think. Or feel. She could hardly breathe. After over a minute of silence she spoke again. "I just can't…" she barely uttered.

Dr. Berry sighed. "I'm really sorry Dr. Stevens. I hate giving news like this to someone so young but… Your chances are high. If we schedule in surgery to remove the surgery, give some chemotherapy to shrink the cancerous lymph glands and then use radiotherapy to destroy remaining infected breast tissue then we will severely reduce the chances of it spreading or of secondary breast cancer. Within six months you could actually be recovering and leading a normal month if you are lucky," he rattled off his plan as if he'd say it a hundred times before. He smiled at her, trying to comfort her. "It's not as bad as it seems."

Izzie opened her mouth but nothing came out. She was paralyzed in fear. Cancer. She could feel her heart beating hard against her chest, faster and faster. She felt scared. She felt angry. She felt confused. Izzie ran her hands through her hair before she attempted to speak. "It's not as bad as it seems? Surgery? Surgery means giving up my job. Surgery means exposing myself to the vultures downstairs to cut me up. Surgery means possibly removing my breast! And chemotherapy? Chemotherapy means possible infertility. Early menopause. It means losing my hair! And radiotherapy…" Izzie couldn't continue. She began hyperventilating, a tear rolling down her face. "I'm a blonde, stacked supermodel. That's what I am. That's the only think I've got going for me!" she almost shouted, horrified by Dr. Berry's dismissal 'Its not as bad as it seems.' "I can't! I can't have cancer!"

He nodded. "It's hard to come to terms with, but with support from the breast care team and your family and friends you can get through this," he responded, clearly getting impatient by Izzie's cries. Of course he felt sorry for the girl but she was a doctor and she should understand. "Seattle Grace has some of the best medical care around. You are in the best hands." He watched Izzie as she continued to breathe uncontrollably. "I understand what you're going through but -"

"No you don't!" Izzie screamed at him. "How could you possibly understand what I am going through?" Completely overcome by fear and anger she couldn't help but to shout. "How could you understand? I don't have any family or friends who can help me through this. Haven't you heard? I'm the husband stealing whore of this hospital. I am alone. And I… I can't do this! Right now I can't deal with this!" She felt completely defeated.

"If you give it time…"

"Shut up! SHUT UP! Time? Give it time? Since when did Cancer give anyone time? It comes in and ruins peoples lives. And I don't need my life more ruined at the moment. I just… I can't have surgery… I can't loose my hair… my breasts… my life! I'm not strong enough for this! I can't… I…" she broke off unable to continue. Tears poured down her face. She felt as though someone had ripped out her heart, her life, her soul and torn it to pieces. Her fragile body began to shake violently. "I'm not strong enough for this…"

"I understand how you feel…"

"No you don't!" She shouted at him again. She had never felt so small, so alone or so fragile. "Have you ever had cancer?" she asked.

He paused. "No," he answered honestly. "But I have dealt with so many people and I can assure you… you have such good chances." He waited to see if Izzie replied. She didn't. "You must be very scared right now, I know. But you have to calm down. I have dealt with so many people and…"

"So have I! People come in every day with cancer and we cut them open, stitch them up and send them home. They are just another patient. Just another person. But… this is my life. This is my life! Don't tell me to calm down!"

Dr. Berry didn't know what to say. He watched as Izzie buried her head into her arms. "I'll make you an appointment with the councilor. See if she can fit you in today. Then we have to talk about surgical options. Mastectomy or Lumpectomy. We could even do a segmental excision. I'll schedule you in another appointment for that tomorrow. Hopefully you'll feel calmer then and we can have a proper talk about it."

Izzie shook her head avoiding any eye contact with him. "…I'm not strong enough for this."

A/N: Ok so now I've got the ball rolling! I don't have first hand experience of this so I've tried to do the best I can with emotions and medical jargon! Please forgive me for any errors and things! Hope you like the chapter! Please, please please review! And I'll try and update before I go away on holiday! Three weeks in Australia will hopefully inspire my creative juices!

Love you all for reading this chapter! And love you more if you review! Not sure who Izzie should tell first! Or if she should tell anyone???


	5. Tell No One

A/N: Thanks so much to those who reviewed! It really really helps! And the encouragement is great! If anyone has any ideas give me a shout! And sorry for the long dela! I was in Australia!

Izzie sat in the kitchen drinking some tea. She hardly slept last night. She could hardly breathe last night. Cancer. The one word she'd used so many times. Cancer. The one subject she had studied countlessly through medical schol. Cancer. The one illness she had treated many patients for. And caner was the one image that terrified Izzie more then anything she had ever experienced. Why her?

Meredith walked into the room. She paused when she saw Izzie. "You came home.," she stated. "That's good," she added, when Izzie didn't repond.

Izzie was surprised to hear Meredith talking to her. She was convinced that everyone still hated her. Especially since she'd overheard them talking about her. Meredith out of everyone had the right to be mad. After all, when she had slept with George, Izzie hadn't exactly been forgiving.

Meredith poured herself some tea and looked at Izzie carefully. "Do you want to talk?" she asked slowly. She hardly knew what to say to Izzie. She had noidea why she did what she had done. She clearly didn't want to talk to anyone and was clearly avoided talking at all.

"No. No I'm fine," Izzie lied.

Meredith nodded and began bustling around the kitchen collecting her keys and letters. She tried to put it out of her head but she just couldn't. She turned around to look at Izzie, "Derek said he could hear you crying all night. He said. He said all night."

Izzie turned away from her although her heart began to beat faster. "It's fine. I'm fine."

Meredith continued to stare at her. "All night is a long time."

"It wasn't all night. I just… I'm fine."

"Is it George? If it's George then… well, he's left. He's going to retake his internship in another hospital. So he shouldn't bother you anymore."

"It's not George!"

"So what is it?"

"It's nothing. Nothing."

"Why won't you just talk to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about!" Izzie replied, anxiously. She felt tears burn at the back of her eyes. "I'm fine, everything's fine. You're fine. I'm fine. It's all fine!" she said standing up and grabbing her keys. She knocked the tea over the table and spilled it on herself. "Oh crap!" she muttered. She moved away hastily and started mopping up the mess. "You go to work without me. I need to change." Meredith was still staring at her in an annoying concerned way. "I'm fine!"

Meredith nodded whilst watching her friend rush around. It seemed like she was witnessing the breakdown of Izzie. She had gone through a similar breakdown with Denny but she could hardly believe that Izzie would be acting this weird over George. Or maybe she just didn't know her friend well enough. All night was a long time.

3 Hours later…

Izzie rushed into the hospital. She was very, very late. She had gone upstairs to change but when she stared at herself in the mirror she couldn't stop. Shaking violently, with tears running down her face she stared in the mirror for nearly two hours. A lump. How did she not notice? She was a doctor. After crying for a further one hour she pulled herself together.

"Dr. Stevens, you're late!" shouted Callie as soon as she came through the door. It was as if she had been waiting for her.

"I'm sorry I… I got held up!"

Callie looked at her with disgust and completely unimpressed. "You got held up? You got help up by what?"

Izzie didn't exactly know what to say. That she was staring at herself in the mirror? "I…I was…" Izzie stuttered, her mind was saturated and she couldn't think of an excuse. "I don't know," she answered simply.

Callie raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to loose your job, Stevens? If you were my intern last year I wouldn't have let you progress into the residency with your past probation. You're in here by the skin of your teeth. There are doctors, interns who wanted this more then you. People who deserved this more then you. And you're hardly trying too hard are you?"

Izzie knew she was talking about George. Obviously Callie blamed her for George failing the end of year exam and maybe she was right to. "I'm sorry about George," she muttered quietly.

"Dr. Stevens do not bring your promiscuous sex life into work please, it's highly unprofessional!" Callie replied loudly. All the nurses around sniggered whilst Izzie burned with embarrassment. "Callie!"

"Call me Dr. Torres, Stevens and now will you kindly give me a decent excuse for your lateness or will I have to talk to the chief about you?"

Izzie looked around - she needed an escape. She couldn't do this right now and she wasn't going to break down infront of Callie.

Cristina popped her head around the corner. "Izzie, you're patient is calling for you!"

Izzie looked up at Callie. "I have to go!" and she followed Cristina out, thankful for the interruption.

Cristina looked over at her. "I lied. He's asleep. I just thought you needed saving! Where the hell did you get too yesterday? You said you'd be half an hour? Not a whole day!"

Izzie swallowed. She felt bad leaving Cristina to look after her patient. She just couldn't face going back. "I… I'm sorry. The appointment took so much longer then I thought."

"Really?" she asked, looking thoroughly unconvinced. "Ok so what kind of appointment was it?"

Izzie said the first thing that came into her head. "Gynecology. It's nothing really. Don't worry about it?"

Cristina raised an eyebrow. "Ok great but that doesn't explain why I saw you in oncology yesterday. What? You have a relative with cancer? Or your trying to do something stupid like change specialties to get away from Callie? What is it?"

Izzie looked at Cristina. If Izzie had a problem Cristina was always the last person she'd ask. Izzie always felt Cristina thought very little of her. They had nothing in common and in Izzie's mind it was always 'Meredith and Cristina' and then herself separate. Normally if she needed something she would go to George. That obviously wasn't going to happen. George didn't want her and she was angry at him. Izzie thought for a moment what would happen if she told her. She was dying to tell someone and Cristina could keep a secret.

"Ok come here!"

Izzie dragged her into the linen closet and closed the door tightly.

"What the hell are you doing?" Cristina asked, glaring at Izzie as if she were crazy.

"I have cancer. Breast cancer. I found out yesterday," she blurted out.

Cristina stared at her in shock. "What?"

Izzie shrugged. She said it so quickly it hardly seemed real. "Yeah. Stage two."

"You have breast cancer? How the hell?" Cristina almost seemed lost for words. It was very few times when Cristina didn't know what to say.

Izzie just nodded. She was trying desperately hard to be strong. As if she didn't care. But it was hardly easy. "That's why I didn't come back yesterday. I'm sorry. That's why I was late today. I just…" she trailed off weakly. She thought she'd feel better if she told someone but somehow she just felt worst. Cristina was looking at her with an expression Izzie had never seen. And saying it out loud to someone just made it seem more real.

Izzie suddenly grabbed Cristina's arm violently. "You tell anyone about this Cristina and I swear to God!"

"Wait! You're not going to tell anyone about this?" she reponded. "Are you crazy?" She always thought Izzie was a little dim but this was ridiculous!

"No one can know about this! I don't want anyone to know!" Izzie's expression changed quickly. She looked frightening seriously and very determined. "I don't want anyone especially at the hospital to know!"

Cristina just stared at her, shocked. "Are you serious? Izzie you have cancer. This is surgical. This is the surigical floor. You can hardly hide it from everyone. Your name will be up on the board!"

"No it won't. I'm going to go to Seattle Presbetarian. Get the surgery done there! No one will have to know!"

Cristina raised an eyebrow. "An what? How are you exactly going to explain your absence?:

"It's sorted! I told Chief Webber I need four days off to see some sick relatives. He seemed fine with it!" Izzie replied. She didn't seem to see any flaws in her plan.

"Four days? What do you mean four days?"

"I'll have the operation and some recovery time. Then I'll be able to return to work."

"Four days? Izzie you will need four months at least! Chemotherapy? Radiotherapy? HRT? You will not be able to work. You probably won't be able to walk!"

"I'll be fine! I can't give up work Cristina! I can't fall behind. Callie is trying everything she can to break me and I won't let her. I'll fight this thing and get through it! I can't give up work. I won't!"

Cristina looked at Izzie completely baffled. She sounded insane. She was acting insane. "Can you even hear yourself? Izzie you will not be allowed to practise medicine in your conditon. You are not fit to work!"

Izzie shrugged becoming irritated. "Since when did you care about that? It's all about the cut, you said yesterday. You hardly seemed to care about being fit to practise surgery when Burke had his tremor, did you?"

"Ok, firstly don't ever mention his name in front of me again and secondly Burke did not have cancer. He had a tremor. You – you will be all over the place. You will be sick, you will be weak, your immune system will be shutting down…" she stopped herself before describing the more unpleasant effects Izzie would feel but shook her head at her. "You can't work. And you can't hide this from everyone!"

Izzie threw her a fake smile. "I will be fine! God, don't worry. This is not your problem!"

"Yes is it!" Cristina shouted at her. "You have made it my problem! I can't lie for you. I won't. And I can't help you through the whole…emotional… thing."

"I don't want you too! I just don't want you to tell anyone else!"

Cristina shook her head. "You know what? You are one of the most self obsessed people I have ever met. You're self involed, you live in your own fantasy world, you make your problems everyone elese problems and you are constantly talking about yourself! But the one time in your life when you might actually other people is the one time you are going to shut everyone out? Seriously!"

Izzie didn't know quite how to respond. She was already terrified of what was going to happen and Cristina – god intentions or not – was making things worse. "I will be fine. No one will notice I'm gone and I'll tell everyone once I'm better."

"If you get better," Cristina correctly harshly. She and Izzie had never been friends but she liked her. She had always liked her and she did feel sorry for her but Izzie wasn't talking sense and she had to if she was going to get out of this alive. "You live at home with Alex and Meredith! You think they won't notice when you fall ill? After chemo sessions?"

"No they won't!"

"And Shepard? He's a brain surgeon. You think he won't figure it out? He lives with you too. How do you expect to hide it?"

"For Godsake Cristina. I'll sort it out. It will all be fine! Izzie insisted.

"No it won't be. What's going to happened when you're completely drugged up? You can hardly move? You can't eat?"

"Shut up, Cristina."

"What are you gonna do when Meredith starts noticing how ill you are? That you've had surgery? That your breast has partially been removed?"

"Just shut up!"

"Or what about after Chemo? When your hir starts falling out? How do ou expect to explain that to everyone?"

"OK, just SHUT UP!" Izzie screamed at her, suddenly. A tear had fallen down her cheekand she looked desperately afraid. "I know. I just. I just havn;t worked it out yet."

Cristina swallowed. She hadn't meant to be so mean. She certainly didn't want to make her cry. But she did want her to see sense. "Just tell everyone. Tell the chief. Tell Meredith. Tell George if you have to but don't be stupid. You've got Cancer. Your fight with Callie is hardly a significant aspect of your life right now, si it?"

Izzie looked at her. She knew Cristina thought she was an idiot who lived ina fantasy world. But she didn't understand. "You don't understand," she explained slowly. "It's karma. I sleep with George. I get Cancer. I know everyone will think it."

Cristina stared at her blankly. "You're kidding right? How many times do I have to say this? How can you possibly practise medicineand believe in karma?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"You know what? You're right. I don't," she answered plainly. "As far as I'm concerned,you're crazy and you're gonna end up killing yourself. And as annoying as you are, I don't want to be giving staements to the police over why someone as young as you is dead when you only have stage 2 breast cancer." Cristina raised an eyebrow at Izzie. "Don't be one of these patients who walk in here in complete denial over cancer and never walk out again. You're a doctor. Start acting like one." And with that, she walked off.

A/N: Ok well this was really a filer chapter! Next chapter is McStizzie – sorry to everyone who hates McStizzie! Thanks for reading – hope you liked! I hope no one mids me making Callie mean – I just don't really like her greatly! Please review! I'll update faster if you do! Take care everyone x

Izzie grabbed Cristina's arm violently. "You tell anyone about this Cristina and I swear to God!"

"Wait! You're not going to tell anyone about this?" she reponded. "Are you crazy?" She always thought Izzie was a little dim but this was ridiculous!

"No one can know about this! I don't want anyone to know!"

Cristina just stared at her, shocked. "Are you serious? Izzie you have cancer. This is surgical. This is the surigical floor. You can hardly hide it from everyone. Your name will be up on the board!"

"No it won't. I'm going to go to Seattle Presbetarian. Get the surgery done there! No one will have to know!"

Cristina raised an eyebrow. "An what? How are you exactly going to explain your absence?:

"It's sorted! I told Chief Webber I need four days off to see some sick relatives. He seemed fine with it!" Izzie replied. She didn't seem to see any flaws in her plan.

"Four days? What do you mean four days?"

"I'll have the operation and some recovery time. Then I'll be able to return to work."

"Four days? Izzie you will need four months at least! Chemotherapy? Radiotherapy? HRT? You will not be able to work. You probably won't be able to walk!"

"I'll be fine! I can't give up work Cristina! I can't fall behind. Callie is trying everything she can to break me and I won't let her. I'll fight this thing and get through it! I can't give up work. I won't!"

Cristina looked at Izzie completely baffled. She sounded insane. She was acting insane. "Can you even hear yourself? Izzie you will not be allowed to practise medicine in your conditon. You are not fit to work!"

Izzie shrugged becoming irritated. "Since when did you care about that? It's all about the cut, you said yesterday. You hardly seemed to care about being fit to practise surgery when Burke had his tremor, did you?"

"Ok, firstly don't ever mention his name in front of me again and secondly Burke did not have cancer. He had a tremor. You – you will be all over the place. You will be sick, you will be weak, your immune system will be shutting down…" she stopped herself before describing the more unpleasant effects Izzie would feel but shook her head at her. "You can't work. And you can't hide this from everyone!"

Izzie threw her a fake smile. "I will be fine! God, don't worry. This is not your problem!"

"Yes is it!" Cristina shouted at her. "You have made it my problem! I can't lie for you. I won't. And I can't help you through the whole…emotional… thing."

"I don't want you too! I just don't want you to tell anyone else!"

Cristina shook her head. "You know what? You are one of the most self obsessed people I have ever met. You're self involed, you live in your own fantasy world, you make your problems everyone elese problems and you are constantly talking about yourself! But the one time in your life when you might actually other people is the one time you are going to shut everyone out? Seriously!"

Izzie didn't know quite how to respond. She was already terrified of what was going to happen and Cristina – god intentions or not – was making things worse. "I will be fine. No one will notice I'm gone and I'll tell everyone once I'm better."

"If you get better," Cristina correctly harshly. She and Izzie had never been friends but she liked her. She had always liked her and she did feel sorry for her but Izzie wasn't talking sense and she had to if she was going to get out of this alive. "You live at home with Alex and Meredith! You think they won't notice when you fall ill? After chemo sessions?"

"No they won't!"

"And Shepard? He's a brain surgeon. You think he won't figure it out? He lives with you too. How do you expect to hide it?"

"For Godsake Cristina. I'll sort it out. It will all be fine! Izzie insisted.

"No it won't be. What's going to happened when you're completely drugged up? You can hardly move? You can't eat?"

"Shut up, Cristina."

"What are you gonna do when Meredith starts noticing how ill you are? That you've had surgery? That your breast has partially been removed?"

"Just shut up!"

"Or what about after Chemo? When your hir starts falling out? How do ou expect to explain that to everyone?"

"OK, just SHUT UP!" Izzie screamed at her, suddenly. A tear had fallen down her cheekand she looked desperately afraid. "I know. I just. I just havn;t worked it out yet."

Cristina swallowed. She hadn't meant to be so mean. She certainly didn't want to make her cry. But she did want her to see sense. "Just tell everyone. Tell the chief. Tell Meredith. Tell George if you have to but don't be stupid. You've got Cancer. Your fight with Callie is hardly a significant aspect of your life right now, si it?"

Izzie looked at her. She knew Cristina thought she was an idiot who lived ina fantasy world. But she didn't understand. "You don't understand," she explained slowly. "It's karma. I sleep with George. I get Cancer. I know everyone will think it."

Cristina stared at her blankly. "You're kidding right? How many times do I have to say this? How can you possibly practise medicineand believe in karma?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"You know what? You're right. I don't," she answered plainly. "As far as I'm concerned,you're crazy and you're gonna end up killing yourself. And as annoying as you are, I don't want to be giving staements to the police over why someone as young as you is dead when you only have stage 2 breast cancer." Cristina raised an eyebrow at Izzie. "Don't be one of these patients who walk in here in complete denial over cancer and never walk out again. You're a doctor. Start acting like one." And with that, she walked off.


	6. Mark Sloan

A/N: Thanks to everyone who review last chapter! Cristina was mean but she was right. Thanks to those who pointed out I made an author note double error thing! I wondered where my second author note had gone! I guess I should have checked it first!

Izzie stared nervously at the ground as she waited for Dr. Berry to re-enter the room. He had arranged for a breast specialist to come and talk to her about surgical options. Despite Izzie's extensive knowledge of surgery she had no idea what to do on herself. They had already waited five minutes for the specialist to turn up so Dr. Berry had gone to find her. A few minutes later he re-entered the room.

"The doctor I was going to ask has been called away for an emergency consult," he explained apologetically.

Izzie nodded, without looking up. She was trying to block everything out of her head – especially Cristina's 'advice.' She didn't want to tell anyone. She didn't want to worry people. She didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her. She didn't want them to say or think she deserved it. And most of all, she didn't want anyone to think she was weak.

Dr. Berry watched her for a few moments. "But I have found someone who said he could give you some advice."

Izzie didn't even look up. Advice. The last thing she needed.

"Izzie it's important that we get a specialist. To make sure you choose the right surgical procedure." He spoke really slowly as if she was if stupid or simple minded. Izzie ignored him again and continued looking down at the floor.

Dr. Berry sighed and beckoned the second doctor inside the room. "This is Dr. Sloan. He's a surgical plastics specialist and will be able to advise you on the best removal surgery."

Izzie's head jerked as soon as she heard the name, "What?" she looked up and turned to the man who was slouched in the doorway.

Mark looked up after his short introduction. He opened his mouth to introduce himself further but stopped as soon as she saw who he was about to deal with. "Izzie?"

Izzie looked between Mark and Dr. Berry panicking. "I told I didn't want a surgeon. I said I wanted an oncologist. I don't want anyone from surgery!"

"I know you said that but your surgery needs to be scheduled with Seattle Presbyterian within days so we know to know what to do. He's good, he has extensive knowledge of breast procedures, don't worry."

"No," Izzie replied sharply. "I'm sorry but not him. I'm not having him!"

She got up and forced her way past Mark.

"Hey, where are you going?" It was Mark who was calling her this time. He sprinted after her and grabbed her arm. "Izzie-"

"Dr Stevens," she corrected trying to pull away.

"Dr. Stevens are you my cancer case?" he asked, disbelieving.

"I'm not your case. You have nothing to do with me." She pulled away from him and walked away, her heart thumping quickly against her chest. She didn't know how long she could hide it if Mark knew.

"You're my cancer case?" he shouted after her, shocked.

Izzie marched back towards him. "Shut up! Shut up," she grabbed his arm and pulled him to a corner. "You tell no one about this, ok? No one."

He stared at her. She looked petrified. And beautiful. But more importantly petrified. "I can't believe it…"he said slowly. "I am so sorry."

Izzie raised an eyebrow. She could almost sense that Mark had a soul. "I don't need your sympathy." She walked away slowly, hoping and praying that he wouldn't follow her.

Mark didn't know what to say. He'd never had any real connection with Izzie Stevens. He used to be Derek's best friend whose girlfriend lived with Izzie. Or he used to date Addison who once mentored Izzie. Sometime she'd scrubbed in on his surgeries. She showed potential – even saved a guys life by drilling holes into his brain. But despite this, he'd never really talked to her. She was just a blonde doctor. Another skirt. Another pair of long legs.

But even though they never really talked, Mark felt closer to Izzie then he had ever felt. As if he understood her. Why she had been sitting outside the hospital all those nights. Why she was acting so different lately. Why she looked so sad.

:"Izzie – Dr. Stevens, wait." He caught up with her and stood in front of her. "You need a consult. A surgical consult. I can do that. Just come back to Berry's office. "

Izzie looked away from him. "I don't need anything from _you_." She tried to push him but he grabbed her.

"You're scared, I get it. And you hate me. And I'm the last person you want to see right now. But more importantly then that – you have breast cancer. And I'm god at what I do."

He saw Izzie paused. "And you don't have to talk."

Izzie sighed. "Ok."

Mark smiled and sighed in relief before taking her back to Dr. Berry's office. Berry was in there looking concerned. "Oh good you came back!"

Mark nodded. "Can we have some alone time?" he asked.

Dr. Berry stared between the two of them. "Sure."

When he had left the room Mark began to look through Izzie's test results. At times he wanted to ask her questions. Stage 2 cancer – how could she have missed this? He wanted to ask her how she felt. Why she hadn't told anyone. But he didn't speak until he had gone through all the results.

"I think we can definitely rule of a mastectomy," he told her confidently. "Complete removal of the breast is just unnecessary. I'm thinking lumpectomy. If we just remove the lump I don't know if it will be enough. To be safe I think we should also remove the lymph glands in the arm."

"All the lymph glands?" Izzie replied, shocked.

"It's stage two. To be sure the cancer doesn't spread we need to do this. It shouldn't affect the appearance of the breast. Usually there would be a small scar and a dent but you, um, you have fairly, fairly large breasts so it will be less noticeable."

"Excuse me?" Izzie asked, outraged. She knew Mark was a player but this was the most inappropriate time.

Mark regretted his words as soon as he said them. "I didn't mean it like that, I just… You know the bigger they are the less the surgery will affect appearance," he paused, "you're beautiful and you have an amazing body. I know you must be worried about the effects of surgery."

"Don't tell me what I am worried about – you have no idea."

Mark nodded. "Ok. That's ok." He looked back at her test results and started writing down notes.

Izzie's cheeks had gone red and she looked very embarrassed and annoyed. Mark continued talking, "I need to check if you have a clear margin of healthy cells around the tumor. Otherwise more tissue will have to be removed." He grabbed his pathology report and studied it in silence. He began to draw out the surgical incisions that would be needed on paper in front of him. Whilst he did this he began to speak to Izzie softly. "That O'Malley guy? You can do better then that. He's weak. And he's foolish. If I had a choice between Torres and you then well. I'd choose you."

Izzie ignored him, slowly becoming irritated by his flirty nature. The last thing she needed right now was another idiot trying to get into her knickers.

"You know, George slept with you, I slept with Torres. If we sleep together then we'll make a nice little triangle."

"I'm going!" Izzie said, angrily getting up.

"Hey, hey… Don't go." He wished he hadn't said anything. He was just trying to cheer her up. Make her laugh. "I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. I just, I'm lonely."

Izzie paused and wondered if he expected her to feel sorry for him. "Why are you telling me this?" Izzie asked, watching him draw, curiously. Drawing out incisions wasn't a normal habit of most surgeons.

"Addison left. She didn't tell me. She just packed and left. I didn't get chief. I didn't get Addison. Those were the only reasons why I stayed here. I have no one here. Just her. And she left."

Mark continued. "She deserved better I guess. Better then I could have given. And seriously… you do deserve better then that O'Malley. Dumping you when you have cancer."

Izzie knew she said they weren't going to talk but… "I didn't tell him. He doesn't know. I don't want him to."

Mark stared at her and nodded. "I had a tumor once. It wasn't cancerous. It was nothing really but I didn't want to tell anyone. Not Addison. Not Derek. But you do have to tell someone. For your own safety."

Izzie had never seen Mark look so serious.

"I mean it, Izzie. You're going to need someone to look after you. The surgery is big. You're going to have to tell someone. Someone to make sure that you come out the other side of this."

Izzie was slightly touched by his concern. He was a lot more understanding then Cristina. Then again, he didn't know she was planning to come back to work in days and wasn't even going to tell her house mates. "I've told someone. I'm fine."

Mark nodded. He looked at his drawings and back up at Izzie. "Don't get mad."

"About what?"

"Promise you won't get mad."

"About what?"

Mark knew she wouldn't appreciate what he was about to ask. "I want to minimize removal and tissues of lymph glands – so I need a more accurate examination."

Izzie stuttered, "Examination?"

"I want to see the tumor."

Izzie stood up, outraged. "Are you serious? Oh My God. I can't believe you. I should have known what you were after this whole time!"

"Izzie what are you talking about?"

"Stop calling me Izzie! You just wanted me to take my top off, have a feel around and hope that I'll have sex with you!" she shouted at him.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Mark denied quickly. "Izzie – Dr. Stevens, no. I just wanted to feel the lymph glands."

"Whatever!"

"Is that what you really think of me? That I would abuse my position like that?"

Izzie raised an eyebrow. "Let me see, you broke up Addison and Derek, then you tried to break up Meredith and Derek and then you slept with Callie when she was practically still with George! You're a manwhore."

"But I would never… I would never try and use cancer to sleep with a patient!"

"I wouldn't put it pass you!"

"I have done many things in my time but I would never do something like that." Mark looked slightly angry.

Izzie shrugged. "Ok? So you don't use cancer to get into peoples knickers but I'm sure you use breast enlargements, leg extensions, and nose jobs, whatever you do in plastics!"

Mark stood up. "You know why I'm in plastics?" he asked, raising his voice. He sounded strained, desperate… "You know why? When I was doing my residency my sister got cancer. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take looking after sick and vulnerable people. I couldn't go to work everyday and be reminded of her suffering. So I did plastics. I went into plastics and avoided the sick people."

Izzie fell silent. She was slightly ashamed. She had judged Mark on what she'd heard. Player, manwhore… All the stereotypes. But she herself was trying to shed stereotypes. Blonde, model, teenage pregnancy… "I'm sorry." There was a pause. "Is she?"

"She's fine now," he finished, awkwardly. He never meant to get so emotional in front of anyone, let alone Izzie Stevens. "She's um, she's fine. She got help and she's recovered. Let me help you."

There was awkward pause between the two of them. Izzie felt extremely guilty for excusing him for trying to sleep with her and he felt embarrassed by his display of emotions.

Mark looked back at his drawings. Trying to avoid her gaze. "The examination will only take a few minutes. Just to finalize these details. Then I'll send it on to your surgeon in Presbyterian."

Izzie began to shake slightly with nerves. She didn't want to go topless in front of McSteamy. She had imagined it once. But never like this. And never seriously. "Ok," she barely whispered.

She pulled her scrubs above her head slowly. Mark had to control himself, forcing himself not to look at her as she took off her bra.

There were no words spoken as he walked over to her and examine the tumor.

"Can I?" he asked, wanting to feel the lump.

Izzie nodded but she turned away and blushed bright red as he placed his hand on her. He had soft hands and touched her gently but with strength. Izzie hated people touching her, Mark was no different. But unlike with Dr. Berry she felt more relaxed and at ease.

Mark himself was embarrassed doing this. He had never performed a breast lymph exam on someone he knew before. He felt across from her arm to her chest and could felt Izzie's heart beating hard and faster underneath his touch.

After a minute he moved his hand away. "I think with careful surgical techniques we can leave a lot of the breast tissues and some of the lymph glands," he said quickly. "I'll write this out and give it to Berry. He can take it from here."

Izzie nodded. "Can I?"

"Yeah, sure."

She pulled her bra and scrub top back on and looked up at him. "I really am sorry about your sister. I shouldn't have accused you – I don't even know you."

Mark smiled." It's ok. Maybe you'll get to know me."

Izzie looked at her for a moment. "I don't think so."

He sighed. "I meant as a friend. You know, if you need anything, any help with this, I'm here."

"I'm fine," Izzie said quickly.

Mark raised an eyebrow, "Then I assume you've told Meredith?"

Izzie nodded quickly. "Of course."

"And you're other residency friends."

Izzie nodded again. "Of course. Don't worry about me. Please."

"The Chief?"

"Yes!" Izzie insisted, annoyed. "Of course."

Mark nodded. "Well then, my work here is done. I'll get Berry. But seriously Izzie – Dr. Stevens, you look after yourself. Take care of yourself. And let others help you."

He smiled and walked out.

"Mark?"

He loved the way she said his name. "Yes?"

"Thanks."

A/N: Ok, well that's all the McStzzie for now. Next chapter there be Izzie in hospital, all the angstiness…etc. Oh and Mcalison made a good point, George (in my story) is redoing his intern year at Seattle Pres. Well spotted. There's some of that next chap!

To those who hate McStizzie there of course will be Lexie moments. Alex will of course want to look after Izzie when he finds out how ill she is!

Please review. Thanks for reading! Love you all. Sherry x


	7. Weak

A/N: Ever done that thing where you write a whole chapter and then forget to save it and have to rewrite the whole thing? That's what happened to me!

Thank you EVERYONE who reviewed! You are the absolute best. Keep comments and ideas coming. This chapter was no as angsty as I thought it would be but I hope you all still enjoy.

The night of December 12th Izzie did not sleep. She spent hours tossing and turning in bed trying desperately hard to sleep but she couldn't get tomorrow out of her head. It was the day of her operation. The day a surgeon would strip her, expose her on a surgical table, then, probably with an audience of interns, he will cut her up, stitch her back together and sent her back to her home where she still hadn't worked out how she could avoid telling her friends.

Izzie lay awake staring at the ceiling wondering what was going to happen to her. A lumpectomy was a straightforward procedure but it was undeniably major surgery and Izzie knew there were risks. Even if the operation went well she would have months of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, hormone replacement therapy and still be left with the chance of infertility.

People were beginning to notice her anxiety at work. Izzie was screwing up frequently and found herself confusing treatments and sometimes even patients. She was struggling to get through the day without breaking down or crying and the fact that Mark Sloan was constantly offering to do her surgery for her was slowly driving Izzie crazy. More irritating then Sloan was Cristina who kept berating Izzie for her lies and clearly didn't understand where Izzie was coming from. In an attempt to steer Cristina off track she lied about her surgery date:

"_It's the 18__th__ December," Izzie replied to Cristina's question after she stopped her outside the hospital. "I'll be on the 18__th__."_

"_The 18__th__? Are you serious? You cannot wait that long!"_

"_It's the first available date they have!"_

"_If you just stopped worrying about what everyone thought of you then you could have the operation in Seattle Grace today. You wouldn't have to wait till the 18th. You would have the best surgeons here, the best treatment and best after care."_

_Izzie frowned at her, angrily, "The only reason why you want me to have the surgery here is so that you can have another opportunity to scrub in!"_

_Cristina raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm sorry, what? I do not want to scrub in on your surgery and I would never ask you to have your Op here so that I could cut you open. I want you to have it here so you can get the best treatment and the best support so you can recover from this and move on with your wife. So that you can live. The way you're going it's as if you don't even care about your life."_

_Izzie shook her head at her. "You don't understand…"_

"_So you keep saying__. What am I suppose to do when I'm with Meredith and she starts talking about how concerned she is about you? Do you know what it's like for me trying to lie to her? She's worried. Alex is worried. Everyone is worried. Even Bailey was asking about you. She thinks you've gone crazy like this because of George!" Cristina paused for a second. "If you don't tell them before the 18__th__, I will!"_

"_Cristina!"_

"_No, Izzie. I am not going to let you do this to yourself. If you try to do this alone you won't make it through. I'm going to tell Meredith."_

"_You can't! You're a doctor! Everything's suppose to be confidential!"_

"_You didn't tell me as a doctor…you told me as a… as a co-worker."_

"_I told you as a friend!" Izzie corrected. "As a friend, you have to do this for me!"_

"_As a friend, I have to make sure you live. People come into this hospital everyday with cancer and most of them walk out again. They don't lie and tell their boss they are taking four days off to see family, they don't hide the illness from their friends and the people that they live with and they don't try and return to work amid chemotherapy – they rest, they recover and then they get on with their lives. Now if you don't tell her by the 18__th__ then I will. End of conversation."_

_Izzie grabbed Cristina roughly and looked at her in the eye. "You think I wanted my life to become like this? You think I want to have cancer? That I want to go through this alone?" She asked fiercely. "I don't have a choice."_

"_We always have a choice. And you are choosing wrong. Even if I didn't tell them, it would come out. I'm just saving you the trouble. You have until the 18__th__."_

"_Cristina! You lied to save Burke when he had a tremor. You could have put so many patients at risk. Why can't you do this one thing for me?"_

"_Ok, firstly I told you not to mention him. And secondly, that was different. I thought I was helping but seeing you ruin your own life is not helping. What has happened to you? Since when did you care of what people thought of you? What happened to the girl who held her head high when Alex plastered the walls with pictures of you? What happened to the girl who dated a patient despite what everyone was saying about you? What happened to the girl who survived surgical probation and all the whispering, talking and judging? God, what has happened to you?"_

_Izzie didn't answer. She didn't know._

"_You don't want people to think you're weak. I get that. But you're acting weak. You don't even have the guts to tell anyone or ask for help. I'll tell them on the 18__th__ unless you do. Don't be weak."_

On reflection Izzie was glad she had lied to Cristina about the date. She had at least five days to recover and come up with a new plan to steer everyone off. A part of Izzie was deluded – hoping the surgery would be so successful she wouldn't need any other treatment. Another part of her was scared – she knew she had months of fighting the illness.

As Izzie stared up at the ceiling she had never felt so alone. Her thoughts turned to George and wondered where he was. What he would do if he knew how she was suffering? Would he be there for her? Would he put his arms around her and promise to be there for her? It was in that split moment that Izzie decided to go and talk to Meredith. She needed someone. She was vulnerable, fragile and terrified. She really needed someone. Someone to hold her and make her feel strong. To convince her that it would all be ok. She stood behind Meredith's bedroom door and paused before knocking. What was she supposed to say? And what did she expect Meredith to do? How would she react? Would she really care? Would she think she deserved it? Would she think she was weak?

She heard Meredith snore from inside the room. Within a second Izzie changed her mind. She couldn't tell Meredith. She just couldn't. Izzie learnt against the door and fell to the floor a tear falling down her face. More then anything she just wanted to walk in, curl up in her bed and tell her. But she just couldn't. Meredith's mum had died. She was having problems with Derek. Izzie had already asked too much of her over the Denny situation, she couldn't just wake her up and ask this of her. Izzie closed her eyes and leant against the door. As alone as she felt she knew what she was doing was or the best.

A few hours later…

"Izzie…Izzie!"

Izzie could feel someone shaking her lightly and opened her eyes. Meredith was gazing up looking worried and concerned.

"Izzie are you ok?"

Izzie looked around and found herself still on the floor outsides Meredith's room. She must've fallen asleep there. "Oh… Hi. Sorry," Izzie mumbled quietly as she pulled herself up from the floor.

"Are you ok?" Meredith repeated. She looked at Izzie searchingly. "Why were you out here? Did you faint? Did you need me? Izzie?"

Izzie looked away from Meredith and started muttering excuses about coming home late and it being very dark. "I'm sorry, just ignore me," she added.

Meredith just stared at her. "I can't Iz, you've been acting so weird. Not just today but for a while now."

"I'm fine!" Izzie insisted walking away from her friend quickly.

"Izzie you're not. Everyone has been wondering. Since that Callie incident, everyone has been wondering. You haven't talked to anyone – you're constantly quiet and evasive! You seem so distant lately."

"I'm really fine!" Izzie replied, anxiously. "I'm just fine!"

"I don't think you are…"

"Well you don't know anything, do you?" Izzie snapped angrily. "Just stop judging me!"

Meredith looked taken aback. "I'm not judging you Iz! I'm worried about you!"

"Well don't be! Just don't!"

Izzie avoided the confused gaze of Meredith and moved into the hallway away from her. "Izzie! How can I not worry? You've been totally distant lately. You haven't been talking. You've been struggling at work. Is this because of George?"

"Not everything is about George!" Izzie shouted at her. "Get out of my way!"

Derek walked into the hallway. "Is everything ok?" He asked, tiredly.

Izzie answered yes and Meredith answered no in unison. Izzie ignored Meredith and turned to Derek. "What time is it?" she asked.

"It's quarter to ten!"

Izzie's eyes widened in shock. "What? I have to go!"

Izzie bounced out of the door at such as speed Meredith or Derek didn't have the time to say anything.

She raced towards her car and drove towards the hospital. Izzie's surgery was scheduled for ten. She was already late. She knew what surgeons were like when people were late.

Dr. Lock was her surgeon and was very polite when she finally arrived although he was very cold and obvious didn't like being kept waiting.

As he went over the procedure with Izzie it suddenly became real. When Izzie was told she had cancer she just remembered seeing images in her head. But this was real. This was happening to her. Within minutes she would be lying on a surgical table being sliced and diced by a man she had only met for 5 minutes. She couldn't concentrate on what Lock was saying. She was too terrified to take anything in. She didn't know him. She didn't know this hospital. And no one knew she was here. What if something happened? What if she died? What if this man wasn't good at his job?

For the first time Izzie was beginning to wish she was having her surgery done at Seattle so much that her eyes welled up in tears. She felt more alone then she had ever felt in her life and although she was trying to be strong and brave about this she, like Cristina said, just felt weak. As Dr Lock explained her treatment plan her mind turned to Mark.

"_Izzie! I can do the surgery for you. I would do it well. You'd be in the best hands," he pleaded to her. _

"_No! You're not even an oncologist. You're a plastic surgeon. What do you know about lumpectomies? And don't call me Izzie. I'm Dr. Stevens."_

"_Izzie," he repeated again pointedly. " I can do it better then anyone at Presbyterian. I'm serious. Let me do it!"_

"_Why do you want to it," Izzie asked suspiciously. _

"_I care about you!" Mark blurted out. "I mean… and…" he felt embarrassed for saying it and the look on Izzie's face didn't help. "And I've already seen you topless so it would avoid any of that if you went somewhere else."_

_Izzie's look of surprised turned to a look of disgust. She walked away from him and Mark felt mad at himself. _

"_Izzie! I didn't mean that! Please!"_

"_Call me Dr. Stevens!" Izzie replied, angrily. "And go away."_

Izzie closed her eyes as she recalled that conversation in her head. Dr Lock was cold and robotic. Even Marks annoying charm and wit was slightly more comforting then Lock work.

She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to do this. Why had she got cancer? She was 28? What had she done to deserve this? These were her last thoughts as the anesthetist put her under general anesthetic and she was hoping, praying and begging that they weren't her last ever thoughts.

Izzie lay awake after the surgery. She had been awake for around 20 minutes and although she was relieved to still be alive, a fresh wave of worries began. She was in serious pain and her whole body felt sore on a level that Izzie had never experienced. She was still exhausted from the anesthetic but she guessed evening without it she would still be weak.

Dr, Lock walked over to her when he saw that she was awake. "Dr. Stevens, nice to see you're awake. I'm glad to tell you that surgery was a success and we have removed the mass of tumor and the surrounding lymph glands. However you did lose some significant blood during the lymph removal so we will be monitoring your progress over the next few days." He waited to see if she responded but she didn't. "Izzie, you just had major surgery which was successful – you should be happy."

Izzie nodded slightly. She had little to be happy about. She still had further treatment which would disfigure her body in ways she had never experienced. She felt worse then she ever had in her life. She had no idea how she was going to go home without anyone noticing her physical state and she was in an unfamiliar hospital with no one to comfort her.

"Do you have any visitors coming tonight?"

Izzie shook her head. "No," she muttered quietly.

"Oh well. Never mind. We have a good intern on call for once. He's retaken the year so he's very at what he does. More then the other duds. Watch out for him – Dr. O'Malley."

"George?" Izzie responded in shock. She tried to pull herself up but it hurt so much.

Dr Lock nodded, "You know him? He was from your hospital. Yes. Looks like you may have a visitor after all." He smiled at her, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Izzie watched him he left, her heart pumping at super speed. George couldn't see her here. He couldn't know. Throwing aside all her pain Izzie reached over and grabbed her chart. She had to get out of here. Maybe she could get a cab back home? Or to a hotel? She pulled herself out of bed and although she could barely keep her balance and moved slowly and unstably she began her exit strategy.

Alex walked through Seattle Grace smugly. Cristina, who was sitting with a pile of lab results glance over at him suspicious. "What are you so happy about?" she asked.

"I'm going over to Presbyterian to pick up my donor organs," he explained, smiling irritatingly. "I have a transplant surgery."

"You have a transplant surgery?" Cristina repeated, excitedly. "Seriously?"

"Yep, a heart and lung transplant and I get to carry out some of the procedure!"

"You have a cardio transplant? I want in."

Alex laughed. "You want in? I don't think so."

"Cardio is my thing. I want in. How do I get it?"

"Get in what?" Meredith asked, walking over intrigued.

"Evil Spawn has a transplant surgery," Cristina explained.

"Oh, I want in," Meredith said quickly. "Come on Alex, I need a surgery. I haven't had one as a resident yet."

"Neither have I," Cristina added.

"Yeah, well what can you give me?" Alex asked, slowly.

"Oh, I can give you lot's of stuff. Wedding presents, wedding flowers, wedding everything," Cristina argued desperately.

"I don't need to give you anything! You live in my house," Meredith tried.

Alex looked between the two. "I'll take Cristina's offer!"

"What?" Meredith asked, outraged. "Wedding gifts trump house? Wedding gifts trump house?"

"Wedding gifts trump house!" Cristina repeated, laughing.

Alex grinned, "Well I don't even know if the organs are suitable donors. That's why I am going down there. See you later."

With that in mind Alex left and headed towards the hospital. Seattle Presbyterian wasn't too far and he arrived quickly. It was a big hospital but without the quality and excellence that Seattle Grace had to offer. It took him over five minutes just to find the surgical floor and even then it was a mess.

As he approached down the hallway he saw a figure slumped across the floor. He was in a rush to get the heart so he ignored it and walked on. A few minutes later when he couldn't find the correct hospital wing he turned around and walked back towards the figure. He was a doctor – maybe not in this hospital but it was his duty to help. He walked towards the body which he identified as a girl. She was tall and thin with thick blonde hair. It took Alex just seconds to realise who it was. "Izzie?"

His heart skipped a beat before he dropped to his knees in front of her. "Oh shit. Izzie."

He turned her over and realized his friend had collapsed and was barely conscious.

"Izzie can you hear me? Damn it. Izzie?" He pulled her body into his lap and started to shake her gently. "Izzie, can you hear me? SOMEONE QUICK! I NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE!" He shouted, hoping someone on call would here him. "Come on Izzie, come on."

His heart was beating faster then his brain could function. What was Izzie doing here? How did she end up collapsed and alone in the middle of a hallway? He noticed she was dressed in surgical gowns and had a Seattle Presbyterian identity tag around her wrist. Why didn't he know she was ill? He hadn't talked to her in so long, he was so mad, and although he would hate to admit it, so jealous over the George situation he had just ignored her. "Izzie wake up. HELLO? I NEED A DOCTOR!" He screamed again.

He stared down at Izzie worriedly. She looked weak, vulnerable and seriously ill. He felt scared for her and confused. He looked around for a second to see if anyone arrived to help but he couldn't see anyone.

Fearing the worse, Alex scoped Izzie into his arms and started to run towards the stairs. "Don't worry," he said to Izzie determinedly. "I'm going to find help. You're gonna be ok." He completely forgot about the transplant surgery as he ran down the stairs to the accident and emergency department. Helping Izzie was the one and only preoccupation in his mind.

He burst through the doors of A and E and shouted for help. A crowd of doctors rushed towards him and beckoned him into a room.

"This is Izzie Stevens," Alex explained breathlessly. "Dr. Izzie Stevens."

The doctors placed her on a bed and began to monitor and measure her output.

A doctor turned to Alex. "What happened to her?"

"I don't know, I just found her collapsed upstairs."

"What is she being treated for?"

"I…I don't know," he stuttered, looking over at the monitor at her vitals.

"How long has she been admitted?"

"I don't know!" he repeated again, feeling like a complete idiot. "I don't know anything. I just know her." As he watched the doctors rush around Izzie he realise that he couldn't remember the last conversation they had. But how could she not tell him that she was being admitted to hospital? And why Seattle Presbyterian? Meredith hadn't said anything.

"Is she going to be ok?" he asked, moving towards the table feeling helpless. "Izzie? Are you ok?" he asked, hoping and praying she would find the strength to answer.

Another doctor looked up as he inserted an IV into her blood vessel. "We're not sure. She seems weak, her stats are unstable but she doesn't seem to have suffered any additional major injuries."

"Izzie," he muttered affectionately. Alex moved towards her bedside watching as the doctors inserted medicine through the IV. "What's happened to you?" He looked at her pale face and could tell if she was awake she would be in pain. He looked at the monitor as saw her heart rate was low. "What's happened to her?" he asked the doctor.

The door opened and an intern walked in. "I found Dr. Stevens notes in the surgical wing hallway." He handed them to the main doctor who glanced over the recent pages before quickly. He responded quickly and anxiously. "Page Dr. Lock. He should be here."

"What is it?" Alex asked. "Seriously? Give that to me." He grabbed Izzie's notes out of the doctors hands and flicked to the last page. "Invasive surgery. Wide Lumpectomy and Gland removal," he read aloud. He looked up, "I don't understand. Why would she need a lumpectomy? She doesn't have cancer!"

The intern shrugged and nodded towards the notes, "Well apparently she has."

"But… How?" Alex stumbled. "She was… she was fine… You're saying… that she… she has…"

"Breast Cancer," the main doctor replied finishing Alex's fragmented sentence. He pulled the top of her gown. "Obvious signs of very recent breast surgery."

Alex froze with shock. "I… I don't understand…" He pushed through the doctors till he was at Izzie's bedside. "Izzie?"

This time he got a reply. "Alex?" Izzie uttered so weakly she was barely audible. Her eyes flicked and she groaned with pain.

"Oh my god, Izzie. You're awake!" He took her hand in his and told her reassuringly, "I'm here. Don't worry. I'm here."

She was still barely conscious and it took her a long time to realise that doctors were rushing around her. "Alex…" She suddenly became aware of where she was. She must've collapsed when trying to leave. But how did Alex find her? She tried to speak but he couldn't hear her.

"What was that? Izzie?"

"Call… M…"

"Meredith. Sure. I'll call her," he responded eagerly.

Meredith wasn't what Izzie was trying to say. She still didn't want anyone to know but obviously it was too late. She actually wanted to tell him to call Mark. But right now she wasn't strong enough to correct him.

A/N: So there you go. What do you think? I always wanted Alex to find Izzie after Figgiesbabe mentioned it in her review of Chap 1. Ok well thanks for reading and please review. Will try and update asap! X


	8. Pain

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It's really inspiring and it's good to know people still like this fic! If anyone has any ideas or wants to see something happen then just say! This chapter was hard to write! It was really difficult to channel what Izzie, or anyone in this position, must be feeling!

Alex stood behind the door of Izzie's room waiting for the doctors to come out. He was still shocked at seeing Izzie in such a terrible state and couldn't believe what was happening. It was all so crazy and unreal.

"Alex!" Meredith called, running up to him with Derek trailing her. "What's going on? You said Izzie was here? Is she ok?"

Alex looked up at her and Meredith knew as soon as she saw the look on his face that something was seriously wrong.

"Alex? What's going on?"

Alex sighed and looked back inside Izzie's room. "They are checking her out now. She's conscious ad everything… she just…"

Meredith looked inside the room and turned around. "What's wrong with her? I don't understand…"

"Has she been attacked?" Derek inserted, worriedly.

"No… No I don't think so…" Alex replied quickly. "I found her collapsed here in the hospital… I took to A and E and they said…" he trailed off, still confused.

"They said what?" Meredith probed, becoming irritated. "Alex! For God sake! What is wrong with her?"

"She has cancer!" he replied, sharply. "Breast cancer. She was in here for a lumpectomy!"

"What?" Meredith exclaimed, disbelievingly. "Cancer? Izzie doesn't have cancer. How can she have cancer? She's not even 30."

"Age doesn't mean she can't get cancer it just means it's less likely," Derek said softly.

"But she can't! She didn't anything to us? Did she tell you?" Meredith asked, rounding on Alex. "Did you know?"

"No, I was just here and I found her on the floor" he answered solemnly. "She never told me…"

Meredith turned away not knowing what to say. "But she's Izzie…"

A doctor came out and Meredith, Derek and Alex rushed over.

"What's going on?" Alex demanded aggressively. "Is she ok?"

The doctor nodded, smiling. "She seems to be in a stable condition."

"What happened to her?" Meredith asked anxiously.

"It seems she was trying to leave the hospital within hours of her surgery. She was told she needed rest but obviously didn't listen! Her body was too weak to handle the stress so she collapsed," he explained slowly looking back and forth between Izzie inside and Alex, Meredith and Derek outside. "She seems very shaken and upset but I guess you can see her now. Please make sure she doesn't try and leave. Her body needs some rest after the major surgery."

Alex nodded and rushed into the room. Meredith watched him and looked quite reluctant to go inside. "Come on," Derek muttered and took Meredith's hand, guiding her in.

Izzie looked up when they came in and looked down very quickly. This wasn't what she wanted to happen. She was trying to leave so George wouldn't find her but instead everyone would know.

"Izzie…" Alex said softly and he put his hand on her face gently. "Izzie look at me…"

Izzie reluctantly turned around and looked at him. Alex could see the pain in her eyes and the uncertainty. He hadn't properly talked to her in so long he had no idea what to say.

He looked at Meredith for help but she was just staring at Izzie nervously.

Alex looked back at Izzie, "You scared the crap out of me!" he told her trying to lighten the mood of the room. "Seriously! I thought it was another one of Meredith's bomb fiasco or drowning things!"

Izzie smiled slightly and Alex smiled back for a moment. He sat on her bed and turned to her seriously. "Iz… you should have told us… you should have let us help you…"

Izzie looked at him and all the fear, all the stress and all the angst seemed to just melt away. "I'm sorry…" she whispered weakly. She looked at Meredith and repeated herself, "I'm sorry…really…" Meredith nodded silently.

"Why Izzie? Why didn't you say anything? You know we would support you and help you. We'd do anything for you. Why didn't you tell us?" Alex asked struggling to hide his frustration.

Izzie shrugged not knowing what to say. "I told Cristina…" she replied slowly. As soon as she said it she knew it was the wrong thing to say. Meredith was looking at her as if she had been betrayed and Alex was looking at her as if she was crazy.

"You told Cristina?" Alex repeated.

Izzie buried her head in her hands. "Please don't be mad at me…" Izzie suddenly began to sob. She couldn't take the look that Meredith was giving her… The reality of the situation was taking over her and she couldn't control her tears.

"We're not mad, Izzie… not at all…" Alex replied, hastily, shocked by her sudden outburst.

"No we're not…" Meredith replied moving towards Izzie slightly.

"I didn't know what to do!" Izzie almost shouted hysterically. "I didn't know how to tell you… if I should tell you… you were all so mad about George…"

"No we weren't!" Alex defended, although he knew that was a bit of a lie.

"And then I found out… and I just couldn't deal with it… or anything. I felt so trapped and I needed help!" she cried. She looked up at Alex, "but I couldn't ell you because… and…I…" she was beginning to hyperventilate and was making no sense. "And I couldn't… but I tried…"

"Izzie…calm down… calm down…" Alex said, quietly putting one hand on her cheek and the other on her shoulder trying to keep her calm.

Derek moved over to her other side and took her hand. "Izzie… deep breathes… come on now…"

She wrapped her arms around her chest as pains from her surgery shot across her chest.

Derek looked back at Meredith who was standing at the side of the room, watching on like it was some kind of horror film.

"Shh… Izzie… don't worry… you don't have to talk now… just try and breathe and get some rest…come on…"

Izzie began to calm down and rest her head on Alex's chest. They all watched her for a minute and Alex began to regret pressing Izzie over why she hadn't said anything.

"I'm sorry Iz, it doesn't matter why you didn't want to say anything…" he said nervously trying not to aggravate her.

"I did want to tell you…" Izzie replied anxiously, looking up. "I just couldn't… and Cristina was there… and she helped me cover my shifts and I had to tell her…"

Alex nodded quickly, "Good, it's good you told someone…" he answered although in his head he still thought she was crazy to tell Cristina.

"She told me to tell you…" she said, looking directly at Meredith now. "I wanted to… I tried to… but…" Izzie trailed off. "I just didn't know what to do… I felt so confused and so alone…"

"But we would have been there for you if you had told us!" Alex insisted.

"But I didn't want you to think I was weak!" Izzie cried softly. "I didn't want you to think I couldn't cope…" As Izzie said this she felt more small and weak then she ever had felt before.

"We would never think that! Izzie, you're one of the strongest people I know!" Alex argued passionately.

"But I'm not! It's one thing after another with me… It's Denny, its probation, its George… its cancer… All I ever wanted to do is prove to everyone that I can do this, that I'm strong… but I just…"

"You didn't tell us because you were scared what we would think of you?"

"I know what you think of me… I heard you talking about me and George in the locker room…"

Alex looked at Meredith uncomfortably. "Izzie… whatever we said… we didn't mean it…"

"And you…" she looked directly at Alex this time, "You told me that I wouldn't make it through the first year of surgery…"

"I didn't mean that, I didn't even know you then!" he said quickly, horrified.

"I know but you were right. I'm not strong enough for this – for anything! I screw up every time and I just… I didn't know how to tell you or what you would think."

"What do you mean by that? What we would think?" Alex asked, confusedly.

Izzie turned away from him and Derek and looked at the floor. "Maybe… maybe I deserve this… maybe this is my punishment?"

"No one would ever think that!" Derek said looking between Izzie and Meredith. "Would they, Mere?"

Meredith shook her head. "No… Of course not…"

"Izzie!" Alex pulled Izzie to face him gently. "No one ever deserves to get cancer. No one. Especially not you. Ok?"

Izzie nodded slightly not knowing what to say. In this moment she felt very fragile and confused. "I just didn't know who to turn to…" she whispered. "When I found out I just felt… so confused… I just wanted to hide away… it was easier that way.. It wasn't real that way…" she looked up again. "… and then as time went on I just couldn't tell anyone… I didn't know how…"

Alex nodded. "It's ok… we know now!"

"I don't want to die!" Izzie screamed and suddenly and broke down into a fresh flood of tears. "I don't want cancer… I don't want to be this person… I don't want to be this person who has to lie in a hospital bed with everyone around feeling sorry for me! I just wanna go back! Back to last year when things were normal, when I was happy…"

Alex put an arm around her and he could feel her body shaking so violently. Izzie had never felt this vulnerable in her whole life. Not even when she was lying on the bathroom crying over Denny.

"I don't even know who I am anymore… I don't want to be this weak vulnerable person with cancer… I can't do it on my own..."

"You won't have to do it on your own!" Alex replied, softly. "Izzie we are here for you. All of us."

Izzie kept crying for minutes on end. No one really knew what to do except let her have it out. She looked so fragile and nothing anyone seemed to say helped. After a while Izzie felt silent. She was too tired from all the crying.

"I tried to leave because George is doing his internship in this hospital… I didn't want him to find out… I didn't want him to know… I still don't want him to know… or Callie…"

"Why Izzie? All these lies? They're not helping! They're not going to help you…"

"Alex please!" Izzie said frustrated. "You can tell anyone you want… I guess I can't hide that… but I just don't want them to know… I can't handle that right now…"

"Izzie…"

"No," she fought back weakly. "I just can't…"

He nodded. "Ok. You're in A and E now so I guess George can't find you. Callie will notice you're missing though."

"We can sort that," Derek added. "It will be fine."

"Thank you…" she whispered.

Alex watched Izzie for a moment but the thought of Callie suddenly sprung to his head. "Oh crap, the heart transplant!"

"What?" Izzie asked.

"I came here to get a transplant for a patient! I completely forgot. Callie will kill me!"

He looked at Izzie and then outside. "Iz, I have to go but I promise after my shift I will come back. I promise. Maybe I'll get Cristina to come. Or anyone you want. I'm so sorry."

Izzie smiled at him slightly. "That's fine…" She felt exhausted anyway and could do with some rest.

He kissed her on the cheek. "You are strong. And you will get through this."

He smiled at her and left the room leaving Meredith and Derek in there awkwardly.

Meredith looked at her watch and turned to Izzie. "I'm sorry Iz… I have to go…"

Derek looked up. "Why?"

"I have to go back to work, I'm on call tonight!"

"You can take one night off!"

"But Izzie's not in either! Someone needs to be there! I will come back tomorrow, I promise."

"Meredith!"

"Go," Izzie said quietly. "It's fine. I need to rest anyway."

Meredith looked at Derek. "See… I'll come back tomorrow!"

She didn't even move towards Izzie or give her a hug before she walked out of the room.

"Derek," Izzie called before he left. "Could you call Mark for me? Tell him I'm here."

Derek stared at her. "Mark who?"

"Mark Sloan."

Derek didn't understand why Izzie would want to call Mark Sloan but he nodded anyway. "Sure, anything…"

Derek smiled at her and then followed Meredith out. "Meredith? Are you ok?" he asked, concerned.

"Umm…" Meredith mumbled to herself as she walked down the corridor.

"Meredith!" he called after to her, following her down the stairs. "You hardly said a word to her?"

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't. You wouldn't even look at her. Are you angry at her?"

"No!"

"Then what then? Is it about your Mum?"

"It's got nothing to do with my Mum. There's nothing wrong!"

"George? Are you still upset about Izzie and George?"

"I was never upset about Izzie and George!" Meredith replied, looking at Derek as if he was crazy.

"Then what it is? You were acting so cold! She needs you! What has she done?"

"She hasn't done anything!"

"Then why are you angry at her?"

"I'm not angry at her!" Meredith shouted at him. "She hasn't done anything. She never did anything. She - she didn't even tell me she had cancer."

Derek paused. Meredith looked visibly upset and he hated to see her like this. "Is that what this is about? You're angry at her for not telling you?"

"I'm not angry at her. I'm angry at me. Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she want me to help her? To look after her?" she asked him, confused and hurt. "I'm her friend."

"She wanted to keep it quiet. She was scared and confused and she thought she'd keep it a secret! She already said that! She just didn't know how to tell anyone so she kept it to herself!"

"But she didn't! She told Cristina. Cristina! Why would Cristina and not me?"

Derek put his arm around her. "She was confused. She didn't know what to do."

"But Cristina? Come on Derek. She told Cristina and not me."

"You're taking this too personally!"

Meredith shrugged his arm of her shoulder. "Just leave me alone."

"Meredith… don't do this!"

"You don't understand!"

"Understand what?"

"You have your parents, and your sisters and your friends in New York and all those other people you know. But these guys are my family. They're all I got. And every time something happens to me they try and help and they're there for me. She wouldn't let me be there for her. She didn't even tell me. We live in the same house!" Meredith stopped as she finished that sentence and looked appalled. "We live in the same house. We live in the same house and she had cancer and I didn't even notice?"

Derek sighed, "Mere, I didn't know either."

"But she cried every night. Some days she didn't even come home. She stopped talking to everyone. She was constantly absent and she was always on edge and making mistakes. I didn't even think… I just thought it was about George but… God Derek. How self obsessed am I that I don't even notice my friend who lives down the hall from me has stage two breast cancer? She was outside my door this morning. How could I not notice? I'm a doctor!"

"I didn't know either Meredith. How could we?" he almost pleaded with her. "Cancer isn't visible!"

"I should have asked! I should have just asked!"

"You did, you asked her if she was ok and she didn't want to say so how were you suppose to know? Meredith, I'm not going to you do this to yourself. You can't blame yourself for this!"

"I let her down. I let her down so much that she didn't feel she could tell me what was going on! She didn't tell me about George, she didn't tell me about this… I didn't even see that Cristina and Burke's marriage was falling to pieces… George helped me retake the intern test but failed his in the process… God. What kind of friend am I?"

"Meredith none of those were your fault!"

"I should have helped them. I should have seen but I didn't. Whenever I've needed them they were there but I couldn't do the same for them. And now Izzie's in hospital with cancer. This is my fault Derek. It is."

"None of that is true Mere. Remember Denny? You were there through all of that. You were her rock."

"There's just another example! I was too busy with my own problems to see what was going on there, to stop that happening. And when he died I was sleeping with you. I wasn't looking after her and making sure she was ok… I am a lousy friend."

"Meredith, you are a good friend to everyone. Izzie knows that. That has nothing to do with why she kept it a secret!"

"She doesn't trust me! She didn't want me to help! She thought I would judge her and I was so absorbed in my own life I didn't even see that something was wrong with her. This is my fault Derek. It's simply my fault and nothing can change that!"

He tried to run after her but Meredith wouldn't let him. "I need to go back to work Derek, go look after her. She needs someone."

"She needs you!"

"No. She needs someone. But that person clearly isn't me!"

With that Meredith walked off leaving Derek speechless.

A/N: Ok really weird end but you know Meredith! I know this chapter was very Lexie! It's still a McStizzie fic but that doesn't mean Alex doesn't still like Izzie! Hope you liked it. Pleeeeeaaaaase review! Sherry x


	9. Realisation

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I really REALLY appreciate it! This chapter is a bit fragmented, hope you don't mind too much…

Cristina watched as Meredith approached her.

"You knew about Izzie?" was the first thing Meredith said to Cristina.

Cristina looked up. "You know about Izzie?" she replied.

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "She just collapsed at Seattle Pres after her lumpectomy. She said you knew about it?"

"She had her operation today?" Cristina said, shocked. "What? She told me it was next week."

"So you did know?"

"Of course I knew. I was going to tell you but I thought it was scheduled for next week. Is she ok?"

Meredith shrugged. "Well you know, she has breast cancer but apart from that!"

"But is she ok?"

"You should have told me!" Meredith replied, bluntly. "I thought I was your person!"

Cristina stared at her as if she was crazy. "You are my person!"

"Then why, Cristina? I mean, she had cancer. Why didn't you tell me? Why did she even tell you? Are you her person?"

"Of course I'm not her person. Do I look like her person?" Cristina asked, sarcastically.

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore?"

"Oh Meredith, seriously? Are you going to turn this into a you thing? She told me because she needed someone to cover her shifts for her and she knew I would. Not because I'm her person!"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"She asked me not too. I'm queen of lies! You should know that!"

"You should have told me!"

"No, she should have told you! Meredith, she's Izzie. She does weird things like sleep with George and fall in love with heart patients. I mean, you couldn't actually expect her to think straight when she was told she had cancer, could you?"

"She didn't trust me! It's as simple as that! She didn't trust me and she didn't want to tell me!"

Cristina laughed. "Oh god, Meredith! Listen to yourself…"

"What?"

"She didn't trust me? Mere, she had cancer. Cancer. Cancer! You know? The disease that comes into people lives at the worst possible time and ruins them. She didn't think! It's got nothing to do with trust."

"Yeah well… you should have told me if she couldn't…"

"Oh geez, Meredith. Don't turn this into a thing about you. She didn't tell you. Get over it!"

Meredith looked taken back "What?"

"Just get over it. She didn't trust you. She didn't tell you. Whatever. You know now, isn't that enough?"

"I…"

"She has cancer. Now just stop being so self obsessed and start doing something about it. God, no one she didn't tell you if you were gonna react like this. Seriously!"

Meredith just stared at her. "Cristina?"

"What? Meredith. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking about yourself. Period. Izzie needs you. She has cancer. So right now, whatever you're thinking or feeling doesn't matter. She needs help. And she needs you."

Meredith was shocked by Cristina's bluntness but argued no further. She was right… Cristina was right…

* * *

Meredith walked into Seattle Presbyterian and walked towards A and E. She knew she had to apologize to Izzie. Cristina was right. She was being ridiculous and self absorbed. Again. She walked into Izzie's cubical and was shocked to find no one was there expect a discharge nurse.

"Where's Izzie?" was her first reaction.

The nurse looked up. "She discharged herself around half an hour ago."

Meredith stared at the woman as if she was crazy. "What do you mean she discharged herself? You just let her leave? She had major surgery?"

The nurse shrugged. "She wanted to leave!"

"But she just had major surgery?" Meredith repeated. "What the hell is wrong with this hospital? You can't just let her leave?"

* * *

Meredith burst into the living room of her house and found Derek sitting inside drinking some tea. "You let her leave? What were you thinking?"

Derek looked up, taken aback by Meredith's sudden entrance. "She wanted to leave," he said simply. "The thought of staying was making her more hysterical. I had to let her leave."

"But she just had major surgery! The doctor told us not to let her move! And you took her home!"

Derek took Meredith's hand and made her sit down. "She didn't want to be in hospital anymore. She was adamant… She was going to discharge herself anyway so I had to take her home."

"No you didn't! She had major surgery! She had just collapsed! How was taking her home going to help?" Meredith asked anxiously. "Seriously Derek, I ask you to look after her!"

"I did!" He defended. "I did look after her. Anyway she's your friend!" he pointed out.

Meredith stared at him and knew he was right. "…I know…" she admitted. "…but.."

"And it's not like I'm just anyone. I'm a surgeon. I know how to look after cancer patients."

"Don't call her that!"

"That's what she is! She's a cancer patient! And she wanted to leave so I let her! I'm sorry…" he said, forcefully.

Derek watched Meredith and saw she was visibly upset. "I'm sorry…" He knew he shouldn't have said anything. Izzie's illness seemed to have affected her seriously.

"No you're right…" Meredith said slowly. "I've been selfish… I just… My mum… and Susan…" she seemed slightly lost for words. "I just… I can't watch another person I care about…die…"

"She's not going to die!" Derek replied, quickly.

"I know but… she has cancer. She's 28 and she has cancer. They said at the hospital that she'll need frequent rounds of aggressive chemotherapy. It will shatter her. And it could… it could…"

"Don't even think like that!" Derek said smoothly. "Izzie's a fighter. And so are you. And you have to be strong for her…" he said comfortingly. "And she needs you…" he added. "Now more then ever."

Meredith nodded. "But what if something does happen to her? Derek, aggressive chemotherapy?"

"I know… but she will be ok. With your help and with everyone else support she will be able to get through this."

"She will become so weak!" Meredith pondered, fearfully. "She's so young to have cancer, Derek. It's just not fair. Seriously. It's just not."

Derek put his arms around her. "I know…no one deserves this – especially not her. But you know what? Izzie is lucky. She has friends around her who care for her. So she'll be ok."

"I wish it was that simple," Meredith replied sadly. "Where is she?"

"She went for a shower."

"How long ago?"

"Quite a while ago."

"Derek! What if she passed out? What if something happened? I'm going to go check on her."

Meredith walked up the stairs and stood outside Izzie's bathroom. She could hear the water still running strongly. "Izzie?"

There was no response so Meredith pressed her ear against the bathroom door. Amongst the heavy sounds of falling water she could hear muffled sobs. Meredith's heart sank as she heard Izzie cry and hesitated a moment before deciding what to do. "Izzie?" she called again. "Iz, are you ok?"

When there was no response, Meredith knew what she had to do. "Iz, I'm coming in," she called through the door before opening it.

Izzie was on the floor of the shower cradling her thin frail frame. She was drenched in water and was rocking backwards and forwards crying uncontrollably. She hardly looked up as Meredith entered the bathroom and continued to sob hopelessly into her shaking arms.

"Izzie…" Meredith murmured, her heart melting. "Oh God…" She had never seen Izzie in such a delicate and emotional state and she felt so guilty she had never helped Izzie up till now.

Meredith pulled off her shoes and crawled into the shower with Izzie fully clothed. "Izzie, I am so sorry," she said before pulling Izzie into her arms gently. Izzie made no attempts to resist and fell into Meredith's a letting herself go of all emotions.

Meredith wrapped her arms around Izzie's body and cradled her in her arms. She could see the painful stitches from Izzie's surgery and ran her hand through her hair comfortingly. "It's going to be ok…" she whispered softly. "You're gonna be ok…"

Izzie continued to cry, her body shaking aggressively in Meredith's arms. Izzie had never felt so vulnerable in her life but at the same time, she had never felt so comforted.

Meredith let go of Izzie from one hand and reached to turn the tap off. Both her and Izzie were already soaked in water but Meredith had to do something. Izzie tightened her grip on Meredith, clinging to her as if she was clinging onto her own life.

"It's going to be ok, I promise…" Meredith repeated. "I'm going to look after you… Yeah?"

Meredith could feel Izzie nodded slightly.

"You're not alone…"

* * *

The next day.

Alex, Meredith and Cristina were all in the locker moving around in silence. They were all thinking of Izzie and how utterly crazy this year had been. It really was a rollercoaster for all of them – but especially for Izzie.

Bailey walked into the room and smiled at them. "Hey…it's my favourite bunch of residents."

They all looked up at her expectantly.

"Your Chief Resident wants to talk to you!" Bailey smiled at the amusedly as she said this. "You know last year I thought you were giving me the run around but compared to what you're doing this year it seems I may have got off lightly." She threw an almost-grin at them before leaving the room.

"What did she mean?" Cristina asked, confused. "Who are we giving the run around?"

They walked slowly to the nurses station where they found Callie waiting for them, not looking best impressed. Meredith, Alex and Cristina all gave each other nervous looks as they approached her.

"So… you finally decided to turn up did you? Can I remind you that you're shifts start at 7am not 7.15?" she began, irritably.

Alex looked down at his watch. "We were here, we were just in the locker room." He mumbled tiredly.

"Well what use is it you being in the locker room? Are you going to be saving lives in the locker room? Are you going to be doing surgeries in the locker room? Are you going to be running labs in the locker room?"

They all looked at each other blankly before Callie continued.

"When I found out I got the position of Chief Resident I was excited. You know why? Because I thought I would be working with a highly skilled, highly motivated bunch of residents. I saw you and thought, these interns have gone through bomb scares, ferry crashes and train wrecks. They have performed heart surgeries in elevators, they have decanulated hearts at attending level, they have drilled holes in patient's heads with a drill, and they have saved quins with creative ideas…. I thought I would be working with some of the best surgical residents in the country. But you know what? I got you."

Cristina, at this point, was looking slightly outraged and annoyed.

"I got you. A bunch a messy, unmotivated, undisciplined first year residents."

"Hold on a second," Cristina began to argue.

Callie wouldn't let her speak. "First of all we have Dr. Yang who is stealing another resident's cardio patient without permission and she thinks I don't know about it," she continued without looking at Cristina. "Then we have Dr. Karev who goes to pick up an emergency transplant and comes back over an hour late without a trace of an excuse."

Alex shuffled uncomfortably as she said this, knowing he couldn't say anything real in his defence.

"Then we have Dr. Grey who decides it would be highly professional to disappear, without notice, in the middle of her shift giving her patients and their relatives no warning – and she didn't even bother telling me!"

Meredith looked at the floor guiltily avoiding Callie's angry gaze.

"And as you can see," Callie concluded, "Dr. Stevens hasn't even bothered showing up today or the last few days for God knows what pathetic reason." She paused. "What kind of surgical residents are you?"

They all looked at her very blankly but she knew something was wrong.

"So do you have any explanation for this? Any particular reason that you're all acting with such a lack of discipline and disrespect for authority?"

There was silence. Meredith decided someone better say something before Callie went completely mad. "I'm sorry. We are just taking time adjusting… It won't happen again."

"What won't happen again? Will you not walk out of work? Will Karev actually remember that he has a fatally sick patient to care for? And will Izzie Stevens decide to show up? Where they hell is she anyway?"

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know…" she replied, unconvincingly.

"You live with her and you don't know?" Callie asked. She looked at Alex.

"You know Izzie…" he muttered, ambiguously.

"Yeah, I do," Callie said, and everyone could see 'home wrecker' written metaphorically all over Callie's forehead. "Now are any of you going to offer me some sort of explanation to your behavior?" She waited for some sort of reply. "Fine, then no surgeries. None at all. You can all work with your interns running labs and doing paper work.."

"No surgeries?" Cristina repeated angrily.

"Unless you tell me what they hell is going on and where Dr. Steven's is?"

No one spoke.

Callie looked at Cristina. "I mean no surgeries? Are you sure you have nothing to say?"

She looked at them all. She wanted to send them to the Chief but that would just show her lack of control over her residents. So she tried to threaten them with no surgeries, expecting at least Cristina to say something. But no. "Fine. Everyone take one of Steven's interns as she obviously isn't planning to turn up anytime soon and doesn't even have the decency to tell me. Well actually seeing that decency is concerned, I guess I'm not surprised."

"I have something to say!" Alex said suddenly. _'Are you punishing us because you're husband slept with Izzie?' _is what he really wanted to ask but he knew he couldn't. "Eventually you will have to give us surgeries. Otherwise the hospital won't function. Just give us a call when that is, ok?"

Callie knew he was right but was in shock that he actually came out and said it. "Dr. Kavev, do you want to be suspended?"

"No. But do you want to be left with just two residents? No. So I don't think I'll get suspended."

"Do not speak to me like that again," Callie shot angrily at Alex. "I am your Chief Resident and if you act this way again with me I will…"

"You will what?" Alex asked, angrily. "Beat me up in the locker room like you did with Izzie?"

"She slept with my husband!" Callie defended, quickly.

"Ye she did and you humiliated her and beat her senseless for it. Now just leave her the hell alone already. You're right, we screwed up and we're sorry. Meredith already said that. But you just leave Izzie alone. And you know what? You can let us do our surgeries and we won't tell the chief anything about what's been going on. But you ban us from surgery and we will tell the chief about how on your first day of work you beat up one of your first year residents leaving her crying and bleeding on the floor. Take your pick?"

Callie stared at him completely gobsmacked. She was the one who was victimized. She was the one who had been cheated on. How did Alex manage to spin this on her? She clearly had no control over her residents.

"Good!" Alex said, after waiting on Callie's silence. And with that Meredith, Cristina and Alex walked off.

A/N: OK that was just a filler chapter. This fic has not turned Lexie. I just thought I had to show Alex's caring side. Next chapter is complete and utter McStzzie. That's an absolute promise.

Please review!! It just makes my day plus I update faster! Any ideas totally welcome!

Thanks for reading, Sherry x


	10. New Friendship

A/N: Thank you to all the reviews! So glad you liked! Izzie's getting such as hard time on Grey's now I just had to make her redeemable in this story! Anyway this chapter is for the McStzzie fans!

It was a few days since Izzie had returned from hospital and many people at Seattle Grace had noticed Izzie's disappearance.

Meredith walked over to Cristina at the nurse's station and muttered to her quietly. "What should I say to Callie?" she asked nervously.

"About what?" Cristina asked turning away from her group of interns.

"About getting tomorrow off? Izzie has her first chemo," she added looking around to see if anyone was listening.

Cristina looked over at Callie who was busy talking to relatives. "Don't tell her anything! She hates us anyway. Like asking her is going to make a difference!"

"But… she will notice if I don't turn up. She's watching us!"

"Don't worry about it. I'll cover your shifts tomorrow. You just look after Izzie." Cristina looked up and saw Callie moving towards them. "Ooh… incoming… I'm going!"

Cristina moved swiftly out of the way as Callie walked towards Meredith.

"Dr. Grey, you wanted to speak to me?" Callie asked, suspiciously.

"Yeah…" Meredith said slowly. "Um… I sorta… need to… um…"

"Spit it out, Grey, I have lives to go and save!"

"Ok… I need tomorrow off," she blurted out quickly. "Tomorrow afternoon…"

"After you skipped work last week, you want a day off?"

"I know, I know… But I wouldn't ask unless it was important. Please Callie, Dr. Torres… O'Malley…"

Callie pondered looking at Meredith carefully. "I'll let you have the day off if you tell me where Izzie Stevens is?"

"Izzie?" Meredith exclaimed. "Um… she is seeing relatives…"

"Cut the crap. I know you're lying. Where is she?"

"She is with relatives! I told you!"

Callie smiled forcibly. "Ok I know we've never really been friends and you have your loyalties to Izzie… But he's my husband!"

Meredith stared at her blankly. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh come on Meredith. George is doing his internship again at Seattle Pres and he's also taken off work time to visit family. He said he's sorting his head out. Now if Izzie is with him then you got to tell me!"

"She's not!" Meredith replied, quickly. "She's not with him! She's seeing family. She went to see her Mum."

Callie sighed. "Why do I get the impression you're lying to me?"

"I'm not! She's not with George! Seriously… Callie I have to go!"

Meredith moved quickly away from Meredith but knew she was watching her as she left. She didn't quite lie. Izzie wasn't with George.

"Hey Meredith!"

Meredith thought for one second it was Callie calling her again but then realise the voice was coming from a man.

"Dr. Sloan…"

Mark smiled at her. "I just overheard your conversation with Callie…"

Meredith waited for him to finish his sentence but when he stayed silent she simply replied, "Great. You can hear. Congratulations!"

"Where's Stevens?" he asked bluntly.

Meredith sighed exasperatedly. She was getting so tired of lying to people. "Well you heard the conversation with Callie so why are you asking me again?"

"Because I actually want to know the real reason she's away…" he replied smoothly.

"She's seeing relatives!" Meredith answered flatly.

"I know that's not the reason!" he argued. "I know…" he looked around to see if anyone was watching. "I know about the cancer…"

Meredith looked up in shock. "How the hell do you know?" she whispered fiercely.

"I found out by mistake. I was her consultant. Is she ok? Did she have the operation?"

Meredith couldn't believe she was hearing this. How could Izzie fail to mention to her that McSteamy knew about her cancer? And why did he even care? "What does it have to do with you?" she replied.

"Everything. I want to help."

* * *

Izzie sitting alone in her room. She had just come out of the shower and had a pair of scissors in her hands looking at herself in the mirror sadly.

"Hey Izzie…"

Izzie flew around quickly to face Mark. "Mark! What are you doing here? How did you get in?" Izzie asked, shocked. She wrapped her arms around her body, tightening her bath room. "Get out of my room!" she said quickly.

"I'm sorry," Mark muttered, slightly amused. "Sorry… I'll let you get changed!"

Izzie was flushed with embarrassment but Mark just watched her. He had never seen her look so pretty before with her hair dripping with water. "Well go out then! Get out!"

Mark quickly moved out of the room and waited for Izzie to get dressed. He was sitting outside her room for fifteen minutes before Izzie opened the room door. She was wearing jeans and a loose t-shirt but she still looked great in Marks eyes. "What?" she asked, slightly irritated, still embarrassed from before.

"Sorry…" Mark replied, smiling at her. "I didn't think… I just came in…"

Izzie looked at him for a second, not knowing what to do. The last person she felt like talking to right now was Mark Sloan but she was desperately lonely with everyone at work and so she let Mark in.

He sat on her bed and smiled at her. "I'm glad to see you're up and about… I got worried when I didn't hear from you…" he explained slowly. "Meredith explained everything to me… You should have told me!"

Izzie sat down opposite surprised by his concern. "I asked Derek to tell you… anyway I didn't know you cared that much…"

"Of course I cared!" he responded eagerly. "I mean… you're my patient," he covered quickly. "I needed to know!"

Izzie nodded. "Well I'm fine… I'm good… thanks for asking…"

There was an awkward pause and Mark shifted awkwardly. There weren't many times when Mark Sloan didn't know the right thing to say to a girl. His usual cockiness and suave personality seemed to be fading by the second. "What are you doing with those scissors?" he asked. "I thought you were gonna attack me them…" he joked.

Izzie smiled. "It doesn't matter…" she looked in the mirror and Mark could detect a lot of sadness within Izzie.

"Come on… tell me…" he prompted kindly.

Izzie looked up. "I know you'll think it's stupid… and there's no point… that's what everyone else thinks…" she said slowly. "I just wanted to cut my hair… I have chemo tomorrow… and they say the shorter the hair, the longer it will take for it to fall out…" her voice quivered as she said this. "Everything thinks there's no point because it's going fall out anyway – it's aggressive chemo, not just the usual… but I just…" she trailed off.

Mark nodded, "There is a point. It matters to you. And if it matters to you then there is a point," he explained determinedly.

"Thanks…" Izzie replied, thankful for his support.

"What? It's true! If it matters to you then it's important. Period."

Izzie grinned at him amusedly.

"What?" he asked confused.

"It's just weird hearing you be so nice," she commented.

Mark stood up. "Seriously? What is it about me that makes it completely inconceivable that I could be a nice guy?" he asked looking down at Izzie. "Ok, don't answer that…"

"It's not that you're not a nice guy! It's just that… well yeah it is actually…"

Mark sighed. "I am a nice guy. I can be a great guy! My mum had this saying… If a guy has just one friend then he must be a good person…."

Izzie raised an eyebrow. "And who is your one friend?"

Mark shrugged. "I don't know… I have loads…"

"Name one!" Izzie challenged.

Mark struggled to think of someone. "Well… ok, that's a good point… but that doesn't mean I'm not a nice guy… look! You can be my friend!"

Izzie laughed. "Me and you? I don't think so…"

Mark looked slightly hurt. "Come on… why not…?"

"Well, what could you do as my friend?"

Mark looked at her, stumped. "What do you mean?"

"I mean. What could you actually help me with, or talk to me about, or contribute to my life with?"

"I don't know!" Mark answered. "But I'd be a good friend! And you need good friends around you at the time! Come on Izzie! I'm a good guy. What have I ever done?"

Izzie sighed. "Nothing I haven't done…" she said, referring to sleeping with a married person. "Look Mark, you don't do friends. You do sex. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it!"

Mark shook his head. "You have got me so wrong, Stevens. Let me prove it to you, I can be your friend…."

Izzie nodded. "Ok then, prove it to me!"

"Fine!" He said. He looked at her and then grinned. "Right, I'll cut your hair for you then! As a friend!"

"What?" Izzie laughed. "You think I'll let you cut my hair?"

"Why not? It's not brain surgery…"

"So you think because you're a surgeon that you can cut hair?"

"No…" Mark said slowly. "I think because I'm a world renowned surgeon that I can cut your hair. People trust me with their bodies, they're lives. I think I can cut hair!"

Izzie raised an eyebrow. "Yeah well you're not touching mine!"

Mark got up from her bed and walked over to her. "I could so do this… I really could…" he said running his hands through her wet hair gently. Izzie shivered slightly as he touched her. He had an amazing touch.

"I could cut it better then you. I mean, how do you expect to cut your own hair?"

"You learn a lot of things in the trailer park… You'd be surprised…" Izzie told him.

"I am!" Mark replied. "Let me do it, Iz… I won't screw it up. I'm your friend after all…"

Izzie looked at him through the mirror and finally nodded. "Go on then…"

"Seriously?" Mark exclaimed. He looked delighted, like a kid in a candy store. "Wow… I can't believe you gave over…" He loved the fact that she challenged him and didn't just fawn over him like all the other girls.

Izzie shrugged. "I'm going to look terrible when it starts falling out anyway so you might as well do the damage now."

The smile on Mark's face got wiped off as soon as she said that. "Izzie…"

"Don't worry! I'm just feeling sorry for myself. That's all. Go ahead. Cut. It will fall out anyway…"

Mark could see just by looking at her how miserable she was. He felt so bad for her, feelings that he couldn't really explain. He was always so emotionally cold to his patients. "Izzie look at me."

Izzie continued to stare at the mirror but was watching his reflection closely. "What?"

"You have such a low estimation of yourself. You think that you deserve cancer, that you aren't strong enough and that you will look terrible… You are just so wrong." Mark didn't know where this was coming from but he was determined to make Izzie see sense. "You don't deserve this more then anyone does. You slept with a married guy. Big deal. It happens. Your friends shouldn't be so judgy. If you were a happy and confident person you wouldn't have done it in the first place. And when it comes to not having the strength to do this… well that's just ridiculous… You grew up in a trailer park, you modeled your way through medical school, and you had a kid!"

Izzie looked up, shocked.

"I read it in your medical notes," he explained. "And you're fighting it out as a surgical resident. That makes you one of the strongest people I know. And when it comes to beauty… Your hair doesn't make you gorgeous, neither does your figure. I mean, it helps, of course but… it isn't everything. You have beautiful eyes, and luscious lips, and amazing cheek bones… Hair or no hair, surgery or no surgery you're going to look great. And after chemo, your hair will grow back in gorgeous curls anyway…" He smiled at her. "You're going to be fine. You just got to have more confidence in yourself. Alex slept with a nurse and George chose to stay with his wife but they're crazy. And you're incredible."

He stopped himself before he said anything else, realizing how crazy he sounded. Izzie was looking at him, clearly touched but slightly astounded. "Thanks…" she whispered.

Mark smile, slightly embarrassed, "All part of being a friend," he muttered. "Yeah…" He quickly turned away and picked up a pair of scissors. "Are you ready?"

"No," Izzie replied. "But I never will be."

Mark nodded, "Good thing I'm doing it then. That way you have someone to blame when you hate it" Izzie smiled appreciatively at him. "Right… here we go."

With one swipe he cut a long length of hair off. Izzie closed her eyes. He continued to cut confidently. He felt he was quite good at this. He hadn't asked Izzie how short she wanted it but he knew if it was to survive the first round of aggressive chemo, which it probably wouldn't, it would have to be fairly short. He noticed Izzie shaking slightly as he cut her hair and he squeezed her hand comfortingly. "Trust me…" he whispered.

After about ten minutes he had perfected her look. "I'm done," he announced, proudly. He had cut Izzie's hair very short but he thought she looked amazing.

She looked down slowly at all the hair on the floor and gasped, shocked. She then looked up and started at her reflection. She looked completely different but at the same time she looked amazing. "Wow," she uttered.

"I'm good, right?" Mark asked, regaining some of his arrogance. "In fact, I rock."

"Thanks," she said slowly. "I guess world renowned surgeons can cut hair…"

"Of course. We can do anything. You'll know that one day."

Izzie shrugged. "I doubt it…"

Mark watched her. "What's wrong? I haven't totally ruined you, have I?"

"No, no. Not at all. I love it…"

"Then what?"

Izzie paused. For some reason she felt compelled to talk and confide in Mark and at the same time she hardly knew him and as much as he'd like to believe they were definitely not friends. "I don't know… I don't know how to be this person… this cancer patient"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't do anything, I can't work, I can't leave the house, I can't even go out and get a haircut incase something happens… I even fainted in the kitchen yesterday and I swear if I hadn't sworn Derek to secrecy Meredith and Alex wouldn't have left me alone today. I mean… I'm like this invalid that everyone has to help. I don't know how to be that!"

"Izzie, you have cancer…"

"I know! And I keep feeling sorry for myself all the time and I cry and I sob and I complain but I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what else to do. This is ruining my life," she explained desperately. Izzie wasn't going to start crying in front of Mark Sloan but she really felt like it.

"It will only ruin your life if you let it, you know…"

Izzie nodded, running her hands through what was left of her hair. "It's so easy for you to say that. I'm loosing my life here. I can't go out, I can't work… And after chemo tomorrow, I'll be practically immobile…"

"You'll get through it…"

"Will I? I mean, everyone is being great to me. Meredith is like my rock. And even Alex, he's been so sweet and so supportive. But they're still going in everyday to work and getting on with their lives. Something I can't do and it hurts! You say about being a renowned surgeon one day.., but that's not going to happen to me… I can't even be a doctor… I've already quit once and gone on probation. I'm going to have to quit again and retake the year… My life is about saving people, helping people… I never wanted to become one of those people…"

Mark stared at her intently. He had to admit that he wasn't always great at talking to people about their problems and comforting them. He was Mark Sloan. Look, listen and screw. Izzie was right. But he thought he knew something that could cheer Izzie up or at least give her some hope. "Come with me!" He said, getting up quickly.

Izzie looked up at him confused. "Where?"

"I'll tell you when we get there. I know how to cheer you up. Or at least I think I do. Come on, let's go!"

"Where?" Izzie insisted.

"That would be telling." He replied mysteriously. "Come on Iz, I promise you this isn't a game!"

Izzie looked at him suspiciously. "Why should I trust you?"

Mark shrugged. "You shouldn't. But you trusted me enough to cut your hair. So trust me on this one!"

He held out his hand and flashed his devilish smile. "You know you want to…"

Izzie was intrigued. "I'm not supposed to leave…"

"On your own. You're not allowed to leave on your own! But I'm here so that's nothing to worry about! Come on Izzie! Please! We're friends after all…"

Izzie smiled. "Alright. Go on then." She took his hand and he led her excitedly out of the house and into his car.

He had a stunning red car and he held the passenger door open for Izzie like a true gentlemen. "Strap yourself in."

"Where are we going?" she asked, impatiently.

"Just wait!" he answered. He drove for around ten minutes before stopping outside a large house. "We're here…"

He opened the door and helped Izzie out of the car. She was a lot better after the operation but he didn't want o risk it.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"My house!"

Izzie looked at him. "But I thought you lived in a hotel?"

"Thought is the correct word," he responded and ushered her into the building. It was amazing. It was almost like the luxury apartments seen out of films. Beautiful leather interior. Brass doorknobs. And a stunning view of Seattle from the balcony.

"Wow," Izzie exclaimed. She didn't know what else to say. She turned to Mark in amazement. "You really live here…"

"Well hardly," he admitted. "It's kind of lonely in such a big place on your own. I sort of set it up thinking Addy would move in with me but obviously that didn't happen…"

Izzie noticed a framed picture of Derek, Addison and Mark in New York. They were dressed to kill, holding champagne glasses with the New York skyline behind them. "That's a nice picture…" Izzie commented.

"Yeah…" Mark agreed, nostalgically. "Anyway, that's not what I wanted to show you… Come…"

For a second Izzie thought Mark was going to show her the bedroom but was relieved when he led her downstairs.

"We're going to the basement?"

"Well I guess you could call it that…" He took her down the stairs carefully, not wanting her to slip or hurt herself.

He switched on the light and grinned at her. "There you go…"

Izzie looked around. At first she thought they were a mass collection of dead bodies. But on a closer look she realized they were computer simulated models of bodies. "What are they?" Izzie asked, bewildered.

Mark laughed. "Patients. Not real ones of course. But practically. They're basically computerized patients that you can do advanced surgeries on… Have a look…"

He guided her over to one. "This one needs a complete face reconstruction. So basically you do it. The computer guides you and you carry out the whole thing. It's just a like a human. All the insides… The only difference between this and a real patient is that you can't actually kill it…"

Izzie stared around the room in amazement. "Oh My God… Are all these patient computer things for plastics?"

"No, half of them are Nero," he explained. "I bought Derek a set for his birthday!"

"He didn't want them?"

"Are you kidding? He looked them? But then when he found out I was sleeping with Addy… well he gave them back." Mark began to walk around the room. "They're pretty amazing actually… you can practice skills… develop techniques… I mean… you ever wonder how surgeons do successful surgeries that they've never seen or done before? Well some practice on these. It's nearly like the real thing. They can go into cardiac arrest, they're BP can drop. Its touch sensitive, so if you screw up, it will let you know…"

It was Izzie's turn to look like a kid in a candy store. It was like Christmas come early.

"You want to try some brain surgery?" Mark suggested.

"Oh my god, yes!" Izzie cried.

Mark grinned. Izzie looked so happy. Happier then he had seen her in a long time. "Let's go then…"

They spent nearly two hours doing a nerve replacement on computerized patients. After Mark nearly killed him, Izzie managed to save him with a quick surgical move that impressed Sloan a lot.

"Good work, Dr. Stevens," Mark commented, ruffling her new short hair. "We saved a guy… Just about. I'm pretty crap at neuro surgery to be honest!"

They both laughed looking down at the computer model.

"That was awesome!" Izzie gushed. "Seriously awesome. This stuff is incredible."

Mark nodded. "It is… If you practice on these you could be a technically brilliant surgeon. You've already got the personal thing covered."

"As good as Cristina?"

"Forget Cristina. I mean one of the best. This is what happens. Good surgeons get rich and then they buy this stuff. Then they become amazing surgeons and get super rich. You're a good surgeon Izzie. Just because you can't go into hospital and work doesn't mean you can't become a great one. Whilst you're recovering from your chemo sessions you can practice this stuff whenever. You're already really talented. What you did just now was brilliant."

Izzie shrugged modestly. "It was just a one time!"

"You drilled holes into a guys head; I heard you took a clot out of a patient's heart with your bear fingers within the first few weeks of your internship… your great. Don't let anyone say you're not!"

Izzie smiled. She always thought Mark saw her as eye candy and never really took her seriously as a surgeon. It was so great hearing someone say these things to her. "Well thanks for showing this to me Mark… I really appreciate it… It really cheered me up…"

"Showed you it?" he repeated. "Izzie I want you to have it!"

Izzie jerked her head upwards. "What?"

"It's yours."

Izzie looked speechless. "Mark, you can't do that! This much cost thousands of dollars…"

"So?" he replied, unfazed. "I know I'm terrible at the neuro stuff but the plastics I can do with my eyes closed. I don't need it. You do. Take it."

Izzie shook her head. "I can't! I mean…. It's very kind of you," she stuttered, "But I just can't."

"I'm not treating you like a charity!" he explained, quickly. "You could buy this and more if you hadn't given all your money to that clinic. But I want you to have this."

Izzie shook her head. "Mark, I can't! Really I can't! I would have no where to keep it anyway! I mean, I live with Meredith!"

Mark nodded. "Ok… Ok…" He pulled out keys from his pocket and tossed them as Izzie.

"What are these?"

"My house keys. So you can use these whenever you want."

"Mark! I can't have your keys! This is your house!"

"Izzie, you're having chemo. It's difficult.. It's upsetting… You don't know when you might feel depressed. Early morning, late at night… I just want you to have access whenever you need it…"

"But you may be… with someone…"

He looked at her straight in the eyes. "I won't be. Izzie take the keys. It's the only thing I can do…"

Izzie stared at him, still completely amazed. "Thank you so much! Mark, I can't believe you… Thank you!"

He grinned. "Don't worry about it…"

For a moment the just stared at each other lost in the situation but after a minute Izzie turned away embarrassed. "I better go, Meredith's shift finishes soon and she could get worried…"

"Yeah… sure. I'll give you a lift!"

They hurried back into the car and Mark drove Izzie back to Meredith's house. He parked outside and looked at Izzie. "I meant what I said before… Anytime…"

Izzie nodded. "Thanks. For the hair. For listening. For the surgery. For the lift. I had an awesome day…"

Mark smiled. "That's what friends are for!"

"Well then you're an awesome friend. Who knew? Mark Sloan. A friend."

She laughed hugged him. "Thank you so much."

"Stop saying thank you and get out of here!" Mark joked. His smile faded slightly, "Izzie… good luck tomorrow. Be strong and take care…"

Izzie nodded. "Yeah. I'll try."

She got out of the car, "Thanks again."

Mark nodded. "What did I say? Stop with the sorrys."

Izzie laughed. "Bye Mark!"

A/N: Thanks for reading. Are we liking McStzzie? I think I am. I was sorta loving Lexie last chapter! Anyway please review! I will absolutely love it if you do. Please review even if you totally hated this McStzzie filled chapter! xx


	11. Chemo Irradation

A/N: Hey! Sorry for sloooow update! I didn't know what to do in this chapter because I just keep thinking about the next chapter (which is going to be better then this one, I promise!) So I decided in this chapter to put the final nail in the coffin for Gizzie for good. Because seriously, in the show, they are just got gross.

Thank you soooooooooo much for the reviews! You are all very very very kind keeping me motivated.

* * *

Meredith watched as Alex walked into the kitchen. She was attempting to fry pancakes for Izzie but her attempts were rather unsuccessful. "Did you check on Izzie?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah, she's just coming down."

"Is she ok?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know… Are you sure she has breast cancer? She's acting like she has a brain tumor!"

Meredith looked up. "That's not funny…"

"No I'm serious! She spent the whole time talking about how great Mark Sloan is! She's acting crazy!"

Meredith smiled. "Yeah, I noticed that too."

"And you're not concerned? Mark Sloan? She hates him!"

"Oh come on… he kept her company. And she needs people. He's quite charming you know…"

"I know," he grunted.

"Are you jealous?"

"No!"

Meredith grinned. "Oh you so are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Do you still like her?"

"No!"

"Otherwise you wouldn't be so worried about Mark! You like her! You want her!"

"No I don't!" Alex insisted, irritably. "I don't take George's left overs!"

"That's just mean!"

"What? She is!"

Just as he said this Izzie walked into the room. She looked tired but less upset then she had been the last few days. "George's leftovers?" she repeated.

"He didn't mean it!" Meredith said quickly at the same time Alex said, "I didn't mean it!"

Izzie smiled weakly. "It's ok… I don't mind. Mark doesn't think I should worry about that anymore. Things happen. Right?"

Alex and Meredith exchanged looks and Alex turned back to Izzie. "Watch out for that one, Iz. You can't trust Sloan. He's a sleeze."

"Oh don't! He can be quite nice sometimes you know."

Alex shook his head. "Oh god, he's already got her. Meredith, knock some sense into the girl!"

Meredith passed Izzie a plate of badly burnt pancakes. "See if that helps!"

Izzie looked at them. "Thanks…" she said, hesitantly.

"Izzie! Sloan is a manwhore! He sleeps around with random people!"

"So do you, so do I!" Izzie replied, cautiously tasting Meredith's pancakes.

"Izzie! He'll take advantage of you!" Alex said, desperately. "He's only after one thing!"

"Alex don't…" Meredith whispered, warningly.

"Don't worry about Mark," Izzie told Alex confidently. "He's just being a good friend."

"Mark's friends don't stay friends for long. Remember Addison? Or Callie?"

"Some people can change!"

Alex nodded. "That's right. _Some_ people."

"Just ignore him Iz, he's just bitter!" Meredith explained, amused. "Shall we go in about half an hour?"

Izzie's face fell for a second, for a moment she had forgotten that she was hours away from beginning treatment. In fact, whilst she was doing 'fake surgery' with Mark yesterday she had even forgotten she had cancer. "Yeah… sure…" she replied slowly.

Alex and Meredith looked at each other nervously.

"I'll be alright…" Alex said softening his tone. "I'll come see you straight after work. It's gonna be ok…"

Izzie nodded nervously as he kissed her on the cheek.

"You can do it… you're like the strongest person I know…"

* * *

Meredith sat with Izzie as the doctor talked her through her treatment plan. Meredith had made a secret promise in her head that she would be there for Izzie at every step from surgery to recovery and she was determined to keep it.

"Your treatment is going to be quite aggressive," he explained solemnly. "Although your surgery was successful, your biopsy results show that there is still cancer cells spreading in your blood."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "But how is that possible? You removed her lymph nodes?"

The doctor nodded. "Well yes but there are still cancerous cells remaining."

"So what you're saying is that you removed nearly all of her lymph glands in her arms, leaving her swollen and in serious pain because her blood could not be filtered… and it didn't even work?" Meredith asked, defensively.

Dr. Berry chose to ignore Meredith this time, turning straight to Izzie. "So basically in order to eradicate these infections for good we are going to give you combination chemotherapy within your radiotherapy treatment."

Izzie nodded. "Ok…" she said softly.

"It's called chemo-irradation and basically it means that your treatment will be quicker and will take less time then a long course treatment which can last for weeks. The radiotherapy and chemo taken together should only take a few weeks but because of it's intensity it does mean a stay in hospital."

"Ok…"

"Now you know the side effects I'm guessing so I won't go over them now but because of the combination treatment they will be some that we will have to treat separately. We'll need hormone replacement therapy and other complementary treatments."

"Can't hormone replacement therapy be dangerous for people with breast cancer of even womb cancer?" Meredith asked, worriedly.

Dr. Berry looked at her, slightly irritated, "Taking into consideration her young age any risks are very much lowered…" He turned back to Izzie. "The first round of chemo is normally the hardest because your body isn't used to the stress. We'll keep it quick and you shouldn't need to stay long in hospital after the first time. Afterwards we will be able to discuss all the other issues such as lifestyle, fertility… I just want to see how the first round goes."

"Can I ask a question?" Meredith asked.

"If you wish…" he replied, resentfully. He hated treating doctors as they always had so many questions.

"Why does she have to have chemo and radio therapy at the same time? Isn't that unnecessarily aggressive?"

Dr. Berry sighed. "I already explained this, combining the treatment is quicker."

"But not more effective?" Meredith probed.

"Leave it, Mere," Izzie whispered. "It's ok…"

"No it's not! If it's not more effective then why are you doing it?"

"Because it will kill of the cancer quicker!"

"But she doesn't have stage three cancer, does she? It's not urgent that you remove all cells that fast, is it? Why do you have to put her under unnecessary discomfort and pain when you don't have to?"

"Dr. Grey, the treatment plan is quick and effective. Yes it is mildly aggressive but if it works it will be worth it."

"Mild aggressive?" Meredith repeated, angrily.

"Meredith! Stop it! It's fine!" Izzie insisted. She had never seen Meredith question a senior doctors decision so forcefully before.

"Mildly aggressive? Why don't you tell Izzie about the side effects? I think she has the right to know!"

"Dr. Stevens knows the side effects. Now thank you for your concern Dr. Grey but I think I will take everything from here."

Meredith shook her head. She was determined to protect Izzie from unnecessary pain. "No I'm sorry I won't. There's no reason, as far as I'm aware, why Izzie needs such intense treatment. All it would do it cause her more pain then she needs!"

"We wouldn't be giving Dr. Stevens the treatment if she didn't need it!"

"Well actually, I'm not so sure about that! Everyone knows Seattle Pres is over budget and under funded! If you are trying to save some time and money by putting the two treatments together then forget about it! Ok? I'm not having my friend going through physical hell to save your hospital some money. In fact, I'm going to call Derek!"

"Meredith!" Izzie said, forcefully taking her arm. "It's fine. Just leave it. Don't worry. They know what they're doing."

"But!"

"No Meredith. Just let them do their job. Please," she pleaded.

Meredith looked at Dr. Berry trying not to question his judgment. Izzie was already going to face tiredness, nausea, digestion problems, vulnerability to infections, soreness – she just didn't want it to be any worse then it had to be. "I want you to note down that I'm not happy with the treatment plan you're giving Izzie," she said simply.

"Why?" Dr. Berry asked, impatiently.

"So that if anything goes I can sue your ass into the ground!"

"Meredith!" Izzie shouted. "Can you just stop it? Please! I don't need this right now!"

Meredith looked at Izzie sadly. "Izzie… I just want the best for you. You should be at Seattle Grace."

Izzie just shook her head at her silently. "I'm sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Meredith replied, running her hand through Izzie's short hair. "I just don't want anything to happen to you…"

Dr. Berry sighed, "The treatment should be fine. We will give you 20 minute session of radiotherapy this morning and then follow this with combination chemotherapy in the afternoon. You will need bed rest, and will initially feel quite weak but you are in the best care."

Meredith looked at him but said nothing. She wasn't happy with any of this but for Izzie's sake she decided to keep quiet. "I will be there the entire time… I promise…"

Izzie nodded. She was scared senseless but she didn't want to say anything. She just took Meredith's hand. "Right…thanks…"

* * *

Meredith had been sitting outside Izzie's room for nearly eight hours. She had talked to Izzie briefly after her radiotherapy but she seemed so sick after only 20 minutes. She also talked to Izzie just before her chemo started and she seemed petrified. Meredith didn't know what to say to comfort her and she felt like such as failure as a friend as Izzie left helpless to chemo. She had finished her session almost three hours ago, but Meredith wasn't allowed in. Izzie had said she didn't want to see anyone.

Meredith looked up as Cristina came at sat next to her.

"What's going on?" Cristina asked, passing Meredith some coffee.

"She came out of chemo hours ago and no one will tell me how she is and she doesn't want to see anyone. I don't know…" she added hopelessly. "Thanks," she added, sipping the coffee.

Cristina looked on. "I'm sure she's fine. Otherwise they would say something."

"You know they gave her radio this morning? She's having combined treatment of both."

"Why? Do they want to kill her?" Cristina asked with her usual bluntness.

Meredith shrugged. "It would kill the cancer quicker they say. It's just… I don't know. She seemed fine until after Radio. Then she just seemed petrified…" she trailed off. "How was work?"

Cristina grinned slightly. "Oh Callie was pissed as hell. Shephard let me going early and Sloan let Alex go too and she just didn't understand. With you and Izzie missing she was left with a whole bunch of babbling interns. Alex has gone to clean the bathroom floor for Izzie or something."

Meredith sighed. "This is just so surreal isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Cristina asked.

"Well, a few weeks ago everything was normal you know. Suddenly we're residents, George is retaking the year, you and Burke are over, Callie hates all of us, Addison has gone and Izzie has got cancer. I mean… seriously?"

"Yeah."

They remained in silence making small conversation randomly over the next hour or so. They all felt quite down and didn't really know what to say. None of their usual petty problems seemed to matter now compared to Izzie's illness. It was coming up to Christmas but they all just felt depressed.

"Oh my god… guys! What are you doing here?"

They looked up to see George moving towards them.

"George!" Meredith exclaimed, shocked. "Oh…."

He rushed over to them, looking confused but excited. "Hi! Oh my god, I haven't seen you guys in ages… what are you doing here?"

"Uh…Picking up organs," Cristina covered. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here," George answered eagerly. "I can't believe you're here…"

"Didn't Callie tell me you were seeing family?" Meredith asked him, looking nervously between George and Izzie's room.

George nodded. "Yeah I went to sort my head out. But now I'm back… Why did Callie send both of you to pick up some organs?"

Cristina raised an eyebrow, "Well you know the whole Denny thing… No one trusts us with transplants…Uh… Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Yeah, we can catch up later," Meredith said hurriedly, looking at Izzie's room.

George shook his head. He had to admit, he seemed more excited to see them, than they did to see him. "I really missed you guys… Is Izzie with you?"

"No!" Meredith answered hastily. "Izzie? Transplant patient? Seriously…"

"Yeah! Like Callie would let Izzie anywhere near a transplant patient," Cristina added.

George noticed their slightly odd behavior but just nodded slowly. "Yeah, of course… how is she? She ok?"

Cristina laughed cynically. "Like you care…"

"Cristina!" Meredith warned.

"What? He did her and dumped her, failed the year and then ran away back to Mummy. I'm not gonna feel sorry for him…"

"I wasn't like that!" George argued. "I just… I just needed to sort out what I wanted… I didn't run away… I just needed some time…"

"Oh George," Cristina sighed. "Sometimes you make me sick with your crap… stop being so weak and child like… needing sometime? God."

"I never meant to hurt anyone! I just…"

"It's ok, George," Meredith muttered. "Just ignore Cristina… Did you work out what you wanted?"

"Yeah… I want… I want Izzie… but don't tell Callie. I haven't sorted her out yet!" he said anxiously. "I wanted to talk to Izzie first…"

Cristina raised an eyebrow at him. "Incase she rejects you?"

George looked at her sadly. "No… I just… look I didn't mean to upset anyone… I just…" he shrugged. "I tried calling Izzie today but she didn't pick up…"

Meredith looked at Cristina. "George, I would just leave Iz if I were you…"

"Why?"

Meredith looked blankly at Cristina. She didn't really know what to say. "I just think you should… otherwise you're both gonna get hurt…"

Suddenly Dr. Berry appeared behind the three of them. "Dr. Grey?" he questioned.

Meredith looked up. "Oh hi…" she replied shocked.

"I've just checked and she seems stable – tired but stable. I hope to discharge her in a few days. The radio and chemo is just as effective as I thought although, yes, admittedly aggressive. I advise you go home and rest. There's no point waiting around…"

George looked between Meredith and Dr. Berry. "I don't understand… you're harvesting organs from a patient who is still alive?" he asked, confused.

"Um… George it's complicated."

Dr. Berry looked down at George. "Ah Dr. O'Malley… are you on call tonight? Or are you here to see Dr. Stevens?"

"Dr. Stevens? Izzie's here?" he asked, bewildered.

"George! Just leave it will you!" Cristina said quickly.

"Where is Izzie?" he asked Dr. Berry.

"Why, she's in there!" he said nodding at Izzie's door. "Anyway, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow!"

George looked at Meredith and Cristina and then back at Izzie's room. "Is she in there?" he asked, worried. "Meredith?"

He pushed opened Izzie's door and ran inside. "Oh My God…" he uttered as he entered. She was lying asleep or unconscious in a hospital bed but she was hooked up to many machines. There were more then 4 IVs in her arms and her body was already becoming thinner and gaunt. "Izzie…"

Meredith walked in after him. She looked at Izzie and it was worse then she thought. She knew that chemo and radio on the same day was the worst thing to do. "Oh God, Iz…"

She walked over to her and touched her face lightly. She noticed that her eyelashes were already beginning to fall out. She sighed.

"What's wrong with her?" George asked, fearfully. "She looks a mess, what's going on?"

"I'll tell you outside," Meredith replied, not taking her eyes of Izzie.

"No! Tell me now!" He demanded. "She's… I… What has happened to her?"

Meredith looked at him. "George, we got to get out of here."

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's happened! She's my best friend, damn it!"

Meredith looked down at Izzie. "She has cancer… Breast Cancer… Stage 2…. Now she's undergoing post-surgical treatment…"

George's jaw nearly dropped to the ground. "Breast Cancer? Izzie has breast cancer?"

She nodded. "Yeah…."

"Is she gonna be ok? How big was the tumor? When was the surgery? What's the treatment like? I…" A thousand question popped into his head as he stared at Izzie's disbelievingly. He looked up at Meredith. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

Meredith shrugged. "It doesn't matter now…"

"It matters to me!" he replied, desperately. "She's my best friend… with cancer… how could you not tell me? She needed me! How could you? She probably thought I didn't care!"

Meredith shook her head. "It wasn't like that…"

"But she has cancer! I should have been here… you should have told me…"

"She didn't want me to tell you, George," Meredith said quickly, not wanting to upset George. "She didn't want you to know…"

"What do you mean? She's my best friend…"

Meredith shrugged. "She specifically didn't want you to know…"

George stared at her, gob smacked. He could hardly believe what she was saying.

Cristina opened the door. "Is everything ok?" she asked, apprehensively, looking over at Izzie.

"Is this true?" George asked, clearly upset. He could hardly take his eyes of Izzie. "She didn't want me to know?"

"Oh get over it George… she didn't want anyone to know… she just told me so that I could cover her shifts…" Cristina said.

"She told you?" he repeated, disbelievingly. "I just can't believe this… cancer?"

Suddenly Izzie stirred. "Meredith?" she stuttered, weakly. They all looked up and Meredith moved towards her bedside.

"Izzie?" she said, taking her hand. Meredith had never really felt close to Izzie but right now she felt like they were life long best friends. "You ok?"

Izzie opened her eyes and shifted around slightly. "Meredith?" she repeated, sounding strained.

"Izzie, I am here… It's ok…. You're ok…"

"It hurts," Izzie responded quickly. She sounded like she was in pain and she was moving around uncomfortably. "Meredith!"

"It's ok, Iz… Where does it hurt?" she asked, exchanging worried glances with Cristina.

"I don't know…" Izzie replied, weakly. She was beginning to panic and becoming more agitated, "I don't know… everywhere…." she cried.

Izzie was confused. She had fallen unconscious during surgery and it scared her to wake up feeling so weak and in pain. "Meredith…"

"It's ok, Iz…. It's just the chemo… you're going to be ok…"

Izzie grabbed Meredith's wrist feebly. "I can't move, I can't move…" she uttered softly, but fiercely. She was looking around frantically, a tear running down her face. She was petrified. "I can't move… I can't…" she trailed off. "Mere…"

She began shaking aggressively. "Help me…" she whimpered. "I can't…" she said, beginning to hyperventilate.

"Iz… you gotta calm down," Meredith soothed, taking both of Izzie's hands. "It just the effects of the chemo, ok? You're gonna need some rest and then you're going to be fine… ok?"

Izzie shook her head at Meredith, hardly taking in anything she was saying. She was just freaking out trying to move. "But I can't… I can't move…"

Meredith looked over at Cristina for help whilst George stared paralyzed.

Cristina moved closer to Izzie and put her hand on her shoulder to stop her moving. "Izzie! It's Cristina! Can you hear me?" she said forcefully. "Izzie? Stop moving! Do you understand?"

Izzie looked at Cristina and tried to focus on her. "I don't… I can't…"

"Don't say anything! Just try and calm down. Deep breaths. Now just look at me. Look at me! And don't do anything else! Focus on me…"

Izzie stopped trying to move and looked at Cristina.

"Now breathe with me ok? Iz? Breathe?"

Focusing on Cristina, Izzie began to breathe more calmly.

"Ok… that's good… that's good." Cristina told her, kindly.

Meredith nodded. "You can move Iz, you're body is just recovering from the chemo… but you can move… you're gonna be ok…"

Izzie nodded, looking at her desperately.

Cristina nodded. "I am gonna get a doctor… the patient care here is crap…"

As she walked away Meredith squeezed Izzie's palms carefully. "You ok?"

Izzie nodded, silent tears pouring down her face. "I'm sorry…" she muttered, softly.

"Don't be… It's ok…"

"Izzie?" George said suddenly, moving towards her.

Izzie jerked her head suddenly in George's direction.

"Izzie, its George!" he said, earnestly standing next to Meredith. "I'm here…" He touched her arm, sensitively. "I'm here…"

Izzie looked between Meredith and George shocked. She didn't want George to find out… She didn't want him here…

"He just came in," Meredith said quickly. "I'm sorry Iz. He works here. He would have found out eventually… He's worried about you."

Izzie flinched as George moved his hand up her arm and clenched Meredith's arm firmly. "Get… him… out…" she ordered, softly but determinedly.

"Izzie!" George protested.

"I don't want him here!" she declared. It was almost as if Izzie had suddenly found strength. "Meredith!" she pleaded.

Meredith looked at George apologetically. "You better go," she urged him, quietly.

George shook his head. "No… I… Izzie… it's George…" He knelt down next to her bedside and looked at her. "It's me…"

Izzie pulled her arm away from George's grip and turned away from him, visibly upset. "Leave me alone…"

George looked devastated. "Izzie, I'm so sorry about the cancer… non one told me… otherwise I would have been here… you know I would have… Izzie… please…"

"George, you should really go!" Meredith said firmly. "Please… you're upsetting her…"

"No I'm not!" he replied, quickly. "Izzie… talk to me… I want to help you… I'm gonna take care of you… you're gonna be ok…"

Izzie sniffed and shook her head looking up at the ceiling. "I don't want you her…" she answered, slowly, gaining more strength as she became more angry. "Go away…"

George shrugged. "I don't understand… I want to help you… I can help you..."

"Why? Because I have cancer?"

"No! Because… Because I love you…" he replied, passionately. "…You're my best friend, my lover, my person… I love you…"

"George, now probably isn't the best time," Meredith muttered, uncomfortably.

"But I do! Izzie I'm going to leave Callie… I'm going to be with you… I'm going to get you through this… Izzie! Iz look at me!"

"Go away!" Izzie tried to shout. She to move away from him but she struggled with the pain. She began to sob. "Just leave me alone George…" she cried, feebly.

George got up from the floor and looked at her frustrated. "Izzie!"

"Just leave me alone, damn it!" she shouted, angrily at him. Although she sounded weak and almost frail, he could hear how mad she was.

George gaped silently. "I just want to help Iz! I love you and I want to help!"

"You left me!" Izzie cried, angrily. "You left me for her… on my own… to cope… with everything… everyone…" she began breathlessly.

"Iz… shh… it's ok…" Meredith said, quickly.

"You blamed me… for everything! Like I…I was a slut…"

"Izzie no!" George argued back. "No, no, no… you got it all wrong!"

"I felt so small… so…damn…small… and when I found out about the cancer… you were gone… I had no one…"

She was beginning to become hysterical again, breathing deeply and erratically.

"Izzie! Please calm down!" Meredith panicked. "George!"

George looked at him grabbing her arm anxiously. "But I'm here now! And I won't leave again! Iz, I'm sorry!"

"No – No! I said, when you come crawling back… when you come crawling back… I won't be here… to pick up the pieces… And I won't! I'm not!"

George stared at her speechless. "But I love you!"

"Shut up!"

"But I do!" he insisted.

"Just leave me alone…" she shrieked. "Meredith! Make him leave!" Izzie cried.

Meredith turned to George. "Go George. Now. I'm sorry!"

"But I…"

"Get out!" Izzie shouted at him, painfully. She was sobbing hysterically by this point and Meredith was trying to calm her down.

Dr. Berry walked in, followed by Cristina. "What is going on? I said no visitors!"

"Get him… Get him away from me!" Izzie pleaded, struggling to breathe. "Please…"

George looked traumatized. "Please Iz!"

"No!" Shouted a voice. But this time it wasn't Izzie's. Alex had burst into her room and grabbed George violently. "She said get out! Are you deaf?" He pulled him roughly out of the room. "You leave her alone!"

Izzie watched as Alex dragged him away and Cristina, Meredith and Dr. Berry stared at her in shock. Izzie fell back into Meredith's arms who were looking quite shaken by the whole scene. She wrapped her arms around Izzie as she wept bitterly.

Dr. Berry just shook his head. "I said no visitors…"

A/N: Ok, randomish filler chapter I know. And the lack of Alex, or Mark or whoever you like. I just needed to get rid of George. I love him dearly but just not in this story.

Mark is back in the next chapter (I PROMISE) and **McStizzie really gets rolling**. Callie also makes a grand appearance. So please keep reading! Please please please review. Any ideas are good too. I'll try and update waay quicker then I did last time! x x


	12. Humiliation

A/N: Oh My Gosh. Thank you soo much for the reviews! It's so encouraging. Glad you were all happy we got rid of George. It kind of didn't fit in. And it was also gross. And in the actually programme, the whole Gizzie thing makes Izzie's character look such a bitch. As exemplified in the chapter. Anyway hope you enjoy this chapter! Lots of angst. And fights. And stress. And Callie. I nearly felt sorry for her when writing this chapter. I said nearly. And hey a bit of McStzzie.

* * *

It was a few weeks after chemo and Izzie was starting to feel a lot better. She was back home gaining more and more strength everyday. By now she could move around and go about her daily routine ok. Although as time went by she had stopped eating properly and she was loosing more and more hair every day.

"I'm worried about Izzie," Meredith said bluntly to Alex when he walked into the kitchen.

"Me too," he commented. "She's been spending way to much time around Sloan's house playing with those weird surgical body things. I swear I've dropped her over there so many times I could drive there in my sleep."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "That's not why I am worried about her Alex! She's not eating because of the chemo. If she does eat then she's immediately sick. And the worst thing is her hair is falling out so fast I mean, I knew the treatment was too strong for her."

Alex shrugged. "I know but… she was gonna be like that anyway, she has cancer. Don't worry too much…"

"That's not why I worried either!" Meredith replied quickly. "I'm worried because she doesn't seem to care… Yesterday she said to me that a chunk of her hair had fallen out so she tried to brush it over and then the other side fell out. She just said it so casually!"

Alex looked confused. "Uh… isn't that good? I mean, if she's ok and she's coping then isn't that a good thing?"

Meredith raised an eyebrow at her. "She's not coping though. She's just suppressing her feelings and that is bad. Suppressing feelings is like that worst thing you should do, trust me I know."

"Maybe she is ok with it!" Alex suggested lightly. "I mean Iz is strong."

"She's not ok with it though. She's just pretending that she is. I mean, Alex, she is loosing more hair everyday…" she lowered her voice as she continued. "She's bordering on bald, it's scary."

"There's nothing she can do about it though! What do you want her to do? Cry?"

Meredith shook her head. "Of course not! I'm just worried that she's not ok and she's too scared to tell us! Or too proud…"

"Or maybe she is fine!"

"You're a guy. You don't get it. Izzie was a model. A beautiful model. And ok, yeah, she still is beautiful, of course she is, but her body is changing and her hair is falling out so she's bound to be upset."

Alex nodded. "Well I'll keep an eye but seriously… maybe she is just coming to terms with it. And I think that's a good thing."

Izzie walked into the kitchen and Meredith and Alex tried not to look surprised now that their friend only had a thin layer of blonde over her head.

"Hey Iz… Good sleep?"

Izzie smiled at Meredith. "You know since I got cancer, people spend more time talking about me then to me…"

Meredith looked down at the floor quickly.

Alex sighed. "We're just worried about you," he said casually. "You know, if you're upset or you want to talk to us… then you can. Anytime."

"Yeah," Meredith added. "Anytime!"

Izzie smiled at them, amusedly. "I'm fine. Really. Apart from being constantly tired and nauseous I am absolutely fine."

Meredith and Alex just stared at her skeptically. They didn't say anything but they obviously didn't believe her at all.

"It's just hair!" Izzie admitted, coolly. "Just hair. I can deal with it. I am dealing with it! Seriously… don't worry. Everything is fine."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Iz… you know… suppressing your feelings with happiness is not going to help you…"

"I'm not! I am fine. I'm fine. Seriously!"

Meredith nodded, unconvinced. "Ok, then prove it…"

Izzie looked up at her. "How?" she asked, nervously.

"Come with me and Alex to the hospital today. Talk the chief. Tell him what's been going on."

Izzie responded immediately, "No! I can't go to the hospital! Meredith! Everyone will be there!"

"We can go around the back to the chief's office. Avoid the surgical floor as much as possible," Alex explained.

"Iz, you need to tell him that you won't be back at work for a while," Meredith urged. "He needs to know what's going on. With the strength of your chemo, you're not fit to practice. But if you tell him Iz, then he can hold your job when you get better."

"If I get better," Izzie corrected.

"No, when you get better," Meredith insisted. "I know it's hard Iz but he needs to know because you've been missing for a few weeks now."

Izzie looked between Meredith and Alex desperately. She could see where they were coming from but she just couldn't. "Can't you just tell him?" she suggested.

"It would be better coming from you," Alex replied. "And it would be good doing it now cause you'll be back in chemo soon enough and be too exhausted to go into hospital."

Izzie knew he was right but she was panicking inside. "But… my…" she trailed off without finishing her sentence but ran her trembling hair though her remaining hair.

Meredith understood. "You can wear one of the wigs we got the other day. They look good. No one will even notice… We're not gonna make you but you're gonna have to do it eventually. Getting it out the way now before you… before you get worse," she continued hesitantly, "would be so much easier for you."

Izzie looked at them both. "Do they really look ok? The wigs?" she asked, unsurely. It was the first time Izzie had shown some true indication of being upset by the hair loss and Meredith was almost relieved to see it.

"Yes," she replied, confidently. "You look great as normal. Does that mean you're coming?"

Izzie looked extremely reluctant but she nodded. "Like you said… it has to be done eventually. I just…" she shook her head. "No, you're right. It's gonna be fine. As long as we can go around the back, avoid people and go in and out as quickly as possible."

Meredith and Alex nodded in unison.

"Course," Alex grunted. "I promise. You'll be fine."

Izzie nodded unconvinced. She didn't feel right about this but she knew it was something she had to do.

* * *

Izzie walked out of the Chief's office relieved that the meeting was finally over. "He hates me," she said simply to Meredith as they walked away from the office. "The Chief officially hates me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Izzie," Meredith replied lightly. "He genuinely cares about you and wants you to get better. He hardly hates you."

"I've been put on probation and long term sick leave during the same year. He hates me!"

"Izzie! Stop it! You got to stop thinking that your cancer is making everyone hate you! The chief clearly thinks a lot about you… And your residency is still here for you when you get better, so that's a positive."

Izzie nodded slightly. "I don't know Meredith… Maybe I'm just not meant for this."

"Just stop it now, ok? Or I'll have to get Cristina onto you!" Meredith half joked. She was concerned about Izzie's decreasing self-esteem but knew it was only natural in the circumstances.

As they talking, they naturally walked down the stairs into the nurse's station even though Izzie meant to be avoiding the surgical floor as much as possible. They were so engrossed in their conversation they hardly noticed.

"Stevens!" yelled a harsh voice.

Izzie swung around to face Callie was walking towards her angrily "Oh no…" she muttered, quietly. Everyone in the vicinity turned around to watch. She could see Cristina and Alex, who were picking up patient notes throwing her worried glances. She could see a lot of nurses beginning to crowd around and even some patients were watching.

"Callie, this isn't a good time!" Meredith defended quickly.

Callie ignored her as she halted in front of Izzie. "I haven't seen you around lately… been visiting family I heard?"

Izzie looked at Meredith nervously and then nodded. "Yeah… sorry…" she stuttered slightly.

Callie raised an eyebrow. "You're a bad liar… You're still a bad liar. Every time you said nothing was going on with George, I knew you were lying…"

"Well, like I said, this is not a good time, so maybe you can talk to Izzie later, hey?" Meredith interjected. She tried to drag Izzie away but Callie grabbed Izzie's arm.

"You're not going anywhere!" she demanded angrily.

Izzie turned to look at her slightly scared. Her last encounters with Callie gave her many reasons to be nervous. She hadn't the strength to pull her arm from Callie's grip so she just turned to Meredith and muttered, "It's ok… don't worry…"

She turned back to Callie apologetically. "I'm sorry… for everything… I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I just… I…"

"Shut up," Callie replied. "You know what? I was a good friend you. All the time. When Denny died, I was there! I went to find your friends – I came over your house with comfort food. And when Meredith's life was hanging in the balance, I tried to befriend you. I tried to comfort you. And while you were on probation, I was always reaching out to you… always. I've been nothing but a damn good friend."

Izzie nodded quickly, the old feeling of painful guilt wash over her. "I know…" she replied quietly.

"No! You didn't know! Because you were always such a bitch to me. You hated me from the moment you met me and you never let that go, did you? You were cruel to me, you rejected my kindness, and humiliated me every chance possible."

Izzie shook her head quickly. "…No… Callie…" she tried to argue weakly. But she couldn't formulate a decent response.

"But you wouldn't leave at that, did you? You had to take my husband as well, didn't you? The guy I loved and you just wanted for sex. You wanted to take him as well. Being his best friend wasn't good enough."

"Alright Callie, that's enough," Meredith said firmly, pulling Izzie from Callie's grip forcefully. "We have to go. Just leave her alone."

"Why are you defending her?" Callie asked. "She slept with my husband, she stole my husband!"

"It was unforgivable… I know…" Izzie responded, sadly, old feeling of self-disgust rising again. "I'm just so sorry…"

"Sorry?" Callie repeated, exasperatedly. "You're sorry?"

"I am!" Izzie insisted quietly, aware that everyone was watching them. "You have to believe me…"

"I have to believe you?" Callie repeated outraged. "I don't have to do anything for you! You have some bloody nerve! Trying to pretend you're sorry. You're still doing it!"

Izzie turned her head sharply in Callie's direction. "What?" she blurted out, disbelievingly. "No, no, no… I'm not. I swear! Callie, I'm not!"

"Really? Then where has my husband been for the last few weeks? The last few weeks which coincidently were the same weeks that you had off!"

Izzie shrugged nervously. "I don't know… Not with me…"

Callie nodded, unconvinced. "Right. Yeah. Sure. You know what Stevens? If you're going to screw around with my husband, the decent thing you could do is admit it!"

"I haven't!"

"She hasn't," Meredith backed up.

Callie rolled her eyes frustrated. "What have I ever done to you, huh? What did I do to deserve this?"

Izzie was speechless, not knowing what to say. She felt so bad for Callie it made her sick. Her mind was racing for something to say. "Nothing," she replied weakly.

"Then why are you doing this? I was happy! I was in love! And you ruined that! You ruined my life!" Callie shouted at her wrathfully.

Izzie looked down at the floor and didn't say anything.

"When did you last sleep with him, hey? When did you last decide to have some fun stabbing me in the back?"

Izzie shook her head, desperately. Callie was beginning to frighten her and her hands began trembling. "It was only once…" she whispered.

"Liar!" Callie screamed. "Stop lying to me! I know you were with him! I know you are with him!"

"Ok that's enough!" Alex shouted, beginning to walk over. "Just let her go, yeah?" he said approaching Callie calmly. "Just let her go."

"I knew you'd defend her, you're a cheater as well." Callie shot at him. She turned to Izzie, "He cheated on you. He cheated on you with someone else and you knew what that felt like. You knew the pain and the humiliation and you still did it to me. I can't believe you…" she shook her head in disbelief. "You are a spiteful, manipulative little slut who only cares about herself. You are self absorbed, vindictive, heartless bitch and no wonder George came running back to me. No one wants you!"

"Hey!" Alex shouted. "That's enough!"

"No! It's true!" Callie relied, laughing maliciously. "You think because you're tall and blonde and stacked that you can have anyone you want. But you have no one!" she spat at Izzie.

Izzie felt like she'd been slapped around the face. Callie's words stung hard and she felt embarrassed and mortified by the confrontation.

"No one wants to be with you! They'll have you for 5 minutes and then they'll either sleep with someone else, die, return to their wife or maybe they just don't want you anymore now that you don't spend 9 to 5 posing in lingerie. And you know why? Because you're a selfish two faced bitch! You're undesirable and no one wants you!"

"Stop it," Meredith shouted suddenly, pulling Izzie away from Callie, who was rooted on the spot, looking at Callie straight in the eyes looking distressed. "Callie, I am serious. Let this go. She is sorry. She said she is sorry! There's nothing else she can do!"

Callie laughed. "You know what, you can have him! You deserve each other!"

Izzie turned back to Callie. "I don't want him! He's yours. I haven't touched him in ages…" she insisted, her voice becoming raised. She was guilty of everything Callie was accusing her off but not that.

"Really? Well tell me something! Is this yours?"

She pulled a silver earring out of her pocket and dangled it above Izzie. Izzie recognised it immediately, it was hers.

"Yeah it is," she admitted before thinking.

Callie eyes flashed dangerously. "You know where I found it?" She turned around the crowd who were gathered around watching waving the earring at the furiously. "I found this in my husband's pocket last week! And she says she hasn't been anywhere near him! Well if that's true that then how come your earring is in his pocket? Forgot to put in on when you put on the rest of your clothes?"

Izzie's heart suddenly skipped a beat and realized that she had both earrings when she entered hospital but not when she left. It must have fallen of. Maybe George picked it up.

"Callie you've got it wrong!" Izzie defended suddenly. "It's just a misunderstanding… I promise you… It's really not what you think."

"You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that you are a lying cowardly whore!"

"Don't call her that!" Alex shouted.

"She slept with my husband and she still is! I have the right to call her what I want!"

"Let's go Iz," Meredith whispered in her ear. Izzie knew Callie was never gonna believe her and could feel Meredith pulling her away anxiously.

"Come on Izzie, let's go!" she insisted, fearfully.

Izzie turned around and began to move away from the argument but Callie wasn't going to let her go that easily.

"DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME!" Callie screamed at her and grabbed her by the back of her hair. Within seconds she had whipped the wig of Izzie's head leaving Izzie completely exposed.

Everyone gasped as Izzie stopped moving, knowing what had just happened. The nurse's station fell completely silent. Izzie looked up and saw everyone staring back at her looking gob smacked. She felt completely agonized as she felt the top of her bare head with a shaking hand. The room around her began to blur as tears formed in her eyes. She was frozen, unable to move and she knew everyone eye in the vicinity was staring at her.

It was as if everything was going in slow motion.

Slowly Izzie turned back to face Callie, blinking the tears out of her eyes which rolled down her anguished face slowly. Callie looked stunned. Staring at Izzie as if she was an alien.

"Oh my god," Callie uttered, astounded.

Meredith and Alex didn't know what to do. They stared at Izzie, with sinking hearts, waiting to see what she would do.

Izzie waited for a moment, trying to regain some confidence. The urge to run or cry was almost too hard to bear but she eventually spoke. "Can I have my earring back?" she asked, simply.

Callie was taken aback but dropped the earring into Izzie's hand quickly. "Izzie… I…" but she trailed off. This time she was speechless.

Izzie looked at the earring. "Thanks…" she whispered, her voice shaking. She turned and looked at Meredith for a second and just shook her head at her slightly and began to talk away. She could feel all eyes in the room watching her and the crowd was significantly bigger then when the fight started. Callie watched as Izzie's walked turned into a run as she fled from the shocked spectators.

"Izzie!" Meredith called after her and took off behind her.

Callie turned to the crowd. She didn't know what to say. She looked past Alex, who looked about ready to punch her and turned to Cristina. She didn't have to say anything. Her face said it all. She looked horrified and confused all at the same time. She looked at Cristina for answers.

"She has cancer," Cristina spat at her, disgustedly. "Breast Cancer! George probably picked up her earring at Presbyterian, where Izzie was having chemo."

Callie's faced crumbled. She couldn't believe it. "I didn't know!" she said, quickly, looking around the room. All eyes were on her now, looking appalled. "I didn't know!" she repeated, desperately.

"Dr. O'Malley," called a voice.

Callie turned around to face the chief.

He obviously had seen the fight and he looks furious. "In my office, now."

* * *

Meredith was standing outside Izzie's bedroom door. She wouldn't let her in and she seemed inconsolable. "Izzie… just let me in… please…." She waited but there was no response. "Please Izzie! I just want to help!"

Alex walked up behind her. "Is she ok?"

Meredith shook her head. "No of course she's not."

Alex sighed. "We got a visitor!" he told her, irritably.

Meredith looked up to see Mark there, looking concerned.

"Hey, I heard what happened! Is she in there?" he asked, moving towards the door.

"She doesn't want to see anyone!" Meredith told him. "She's upset."

"I know!" Mark replied. "I want to see her!"

"She won't see anyone Mark! Not now. Just go home. I'll call you if she seems better."

Mark shook his head. "No… Let me try."

He knocked on Izzie's door. "Izzie! It's Mark! Will you let me in?"

He heard a stifled cry but there was no response.

"She doesn't want to see anyone!" Meredith repeated and Mark rapped on the door.

"Izzie… please…" he insisted. He softened his voice. "Just let me in… I want to talk to you!"

"Look dude, if she's not gonna let us in, she won't let you in!" Alex argued, annoyed. "Just leave her alone, yeah? She's had enough trouble today!"

Mark looked at him for a second. "I know she has. I want to make sure she's ok. I care about her too."

Alex threw him a disgusted look. "Since when did you care about anyone other then yourself?

Mark chose to ignore him this time and leant against the door. "Izzie? You don't have to talk if you don't want to. You don't have to do anything. Just let me in…" He waited to see if she responded. "Come on Izzie, you're making me look like a prat in front of your friends," he joked slightly. "Let me in…"

There was a pause but to everyone's amazement the door unlocked. He pushed open the door entered. Izzie was sitting on her bed, rocking her thin, fragile figure, while crying silently.

"Izzie…" he whispered softly. "Hey…"

He didn't know really what to do but his instinct told him to sit next to her. He sat on the edge on the bed and took her hand in his. "I heard what happened…" he muttered slowly, trying to sound reassuring.

"Yeah, you and that rest of the hospital," Izzie shot back.

Mark looked surprised, not expecting Izzie to respond.

Izzie pulled herself up and look at Mark straight in the eyes. "Is everyone talking about me?" she asked him, anxiously.

Mark knew there was no point lying. Izzie didn't need to be lied to right now. "Yeah…" he replied. "They are."

Izzie buried her head in her arms and continued to cry.

"Everyone is talking about you…" he continued. "Talking about how brave you are, and how strong you are." He put his hand on her cheek and raised her head to look at him. "They are talking about how they want you to get better and how they'll do anything to help you…"

Izzie laughed bitterly. "Shut up, Mark! They're talking about how ugly I look. I know it."

"No!" he defended quickly. "They're not Izzie! No one has said that…"

"Maybe they're not to you. But they are," Izzie insisted. She looked away not able to cope with him staring at her. "They are."

"Izzie, no one would ever say that! You're not ugly. You're beautiful!" he argued awkwardly. He didn't really know what to say to her or why he was even here but when came out of surgery and heard what had happened he felt an overwhelming feeling to come and make sure she was ok. A feeling he couldn't really explain.

Izzie shook her head at him. "You sound like Meredith on the way home. I know what I look like Mark! I have a mirror… I saw how everyone was looking at me today. I look repulsive."

"No, no, no, no!" Mark said, hastily. "Izzie, you got it wrong…"

"They were repulsed by me!" Izzie chocked, tearfully. "I look disgusting. I look like a freak."

"Izzie, they were just shocked! No one and I mean no one was repulsed in anyway. You do not look like a freak…"

"Yes I do!" Izzie cried, inconsolably. "I have cancer. I am practically bawled. I mean, I'm sickening. I really am. Who was I trying to kid pretending I don't care?" she asked, angrily. She began pulling at the rest of her hair. "I've hardly got anything left. I'm just a hairless freak, a disgusting hairless freak."

"Izzie stop it!" Mark pleaded, trying to grab Izzie's hands as she tried to pull out the rest of her hair angrily. "Izzie! Stop it!"

He managed to force her arms down and he put his arms on her shoulders. "Izzie, you got to stop this. You are a beautiful girl. You are now and you always have been. Nothing is going to change that."

"I have no hair!" Izzie shouted at him. "I have no hair on my body, on my head, I don't even have eye lashes and I look revolting. Callie was right. No one wants me. I am undesirable."

"No you're not Izzie!" Mark persisted. But she wouldn't let him continue.

"I have never felt so humiliated in my life, you know that?" Izzie said to him. "Never in my entire left had I felt so disgusting and hideous." Izzie shook her head.

"Izzie…"

"No Mark, it's true. All I've ever been in life was a blond, skinny girl. It got me through everything, college, med school… The only thing I've ever been good at in life was being pretty in lingerie and a decent screw. And I can't even do that."

Mark could see that Izzie was hurting but it was so hard to hear her say these things about herself. "You're going through a hard time. I know that Iz. But you can't have such low self-esteem of yourself. You're a surgeon. Not a lingerie model and a bit on the side. And you are beautiful. Hair doesn't define you. It doesn't matter."

Izzie stood up furiously. "It matters to me! You were the one who said if it matters to me, it matters. Look at me!" She walked in front of the mirror. "I look like a freak. Everyone thinks so."

"No they don't!"

"Yes they do!" Izzie insisted, fiercely. "Everyone hates me, everyone thinks I'm a slut and everyone things I'm ugly… I hate it. I hate this. I hate me!" Before Mark could stop her she punch the mirror with her fist in frustration and the mirror broke into the millions of pieces.

Mark grabbed Izzie and pulled her away from the dangerous shower of glass.

"Izzie don't…" He wrapped his arms around her as she burst into a flood of tears. She sobbed inconsolably into his chest as he held her tightly.

"You don't understand…" she muttered. "You don't get it…"

Mark ripped the side of his shirt and wrapped it around Izzie's bleeding hand. "Help me understand…" he encouraged softly. It was a bizarre situation. He had his arms around Izzie Stevens while she cried helplessly on him. But in reality, he hardly knew her. He just knew he wanted to help her.

"I don't… I can't…" Izzie struggled to find the words. "I don't recognise myself… this is not what I wanted to become… this is not what I wanted… I don't know what's going on… I can control anything… I just…. I don't know… I don't recognise myself…"

Mark sighed and ran his hand down her side gently. "You're Izzie Stevens. You are strong and you are kind. You are passionate and you are emotional. You get too involved, I have heard, but you always try and do the right thing. You want respect. And you've got respect. And when it comes down to it, you are a beautiful person. Inside and outside. Hair or no hair."

Izzie laugh softly as if she didn't believe him.

"You are! You have amazing cheek bones, beautiful eyes… A smile that could win you any guy you want. You are completely desirable. Callie was wrong. And harsh. And she has been sacked because of it."

Izzie didn't say anything for a while but then she looked up at him slowly. "Do you mean it?"

Mark looked down at her. "Yeah, the chief sacked her this morning. Apparently he saw everything."

"No… Not Callie. I mean me. Do you mean it?"

Mark smiled at her. "Of course I do," he replied, touching her face gently.

There was a pause whilst they looked at each other for a minute. Izzie took Mark's hand in hers and before he knew it her lips touched his and she kissed him suddenly.

Completely taken aback Mark pulled away, shocked. "Izzie… I… what are you doing?" he asked, unsurely.

"Shut up!" she whispered, pushing him back onto the bed and climbing on top of him. "Don't say anything ok…?" She kissed him again and moved her hands up his chest slowly.

Mark pulled away from her again gently. "Izzie… I don't think this is a good idea…"

Izzie ignore him, running a hand through his head. "Don't think…" She attempted to kiss him again but this time Mark pulled her off forcefully.

"Izzie… No. We can't do this. I can't do this."

Izzie stared at him for a second her expressing changing from upset to angry. "I should have known…" she told herself angrily.

"What?" Mark asked nervously.

"That you didn't mean it!"

"No, no, no Izzie! I did mean it I just…"

"You just what? You say I'm beautiful, that I'm desirable but when push comes to shove you won't even touch me."

"Izzie it's not that!" Mark replied, anxiously. "It's really not that!"

Izzie shook her head. "Don't bother explaining yourself. I get it… you tried to make me feel better by saying nice things. That's nice of you. Thanks. But when it comes down to it, you know as much as everyone else that I am disgusting…"

"Izzie that is not true!"

"It's fine. I don't mind. If I were you I wouldn't touch me either."

"No… Seriously Iz. You are beautiful I just-"

"Then why won't you touch me? Why won't you get near me?" Izzie shouted at him, tears pouring down her face. "Am I really that ugly that Mark Sloan, they guy who sleeps with every and any girl in a skirt, won't even kiss me?"

"Of course not, Izzie, you got this all wrong. Just let me explain…"

"No! No you don't get to explain. You've made your opinions pretty clear to me! Clearly I am so repulsive to you that you won't even come near me. And you know what? That's fine!" she cried, feeling completely humiliated.

"Izzie! I like you. I like you a lot. I just don't think now is the time-"

"Then why won't you touch me? Why won't you let me near you? You screw everyone and anyone who throws herself at you. You're a manwhore. That just tells me how bad I must be!"

"No Izzie! For God sake, just let me explain!" Mark almost shouted back.

"I know you tried to be nice. But you know what? You shouldn't have lied. You shouldn't have even pretended to care. I know where I stand. Just get out!"

"Izzie no! You cannot make me leave until you understand!"

"I understand perfectly well! Now get out!" she screamed at him.

He didn't move. "No."

"Just get out! Haven't I been humiliated enough today? Leave me alone! GET OUT!"

The door burst open and Meredith rushed in. "What's going on in here?"

"Get him out, please…" Izzie begged her. "He won't leave me alone…"

Meredith moved over to her and put her arms around her. "Hey, hey, hey… calm down…" she turned. "Shh…" She wrapped her arms around her. "Mark I think you better go…"

"No, I can't. She doesn't understand. Izzie you got it wrong…"

"GET OUT!" She screamed, tears falling down her face. "Just leave me alone… Please… Meredith… please…"

"Mark, I need you to go!"

Mark ran his hands through his hair frustrated. "Izzie… listen to me… you are beautiful… and you're an amazing person… and I meant everything I said, it's just…"

"No!" She shouted, desperately. "Just make him leave me alone…" she cried to Meredith. "Please…"

"Mark, get out. Now," Meredith shot at him, cradling Izzie in her arms as she began shaking violently. "Mark, now!"

Mark stared at Izzie desperately not knowing what to do. He knew Izzie wasn't going to listen to anything he had to say but he couldn't leave with her thinking that he thought she was ugly or undesirable because it just wasn't true. "Izzie… please…"

"Get out!"

Suddenly Alex appeared at the door looking furious. "Are you going to listen to the girl or am I going to have to drag you out?" he spat at him, angrily. "I was hesitant to punch Callie but you I don't have a problem with…"

Mark stared at him feeling conflicted. He looked back at Izzie who was trembling weakly in Meredith's arms. It killed him that he had hurt her this much but even worse that, that she thought he didn't like her.

"Mark, please… if you care at all… then leave… now," Meredith urged him, worriedly. "Please!"

Mark stared at her. He looked back at Alex who looked ready to punch him. "Fine," he replied, defeated. "I'm going. I'm gone. I'm sorry."

He took a last glance at Izzie before walking out of the door. He left the house and looked up at where Izzie's window was, feeling mad with himself. "Damn it."

* * *

A/N: Poor, poor Mark. So misunderstood. Ok, I promised McStizzie and it all kind of went wrong but I hope you liked it anyway! Thank you so much for reading and please, please (please?) review with cherries and whipped cream on top x x x Please? 


	13. Mark makes his move!

A/N: Hey everyone! Thank you so much for all the reviews. It makes the world of difference! And sorry for the delay in writing a new chapter. It was weird writing this chapter with the strike going on and everything! No inspiration!

Anyway… less angst in this chap. Mark finally makes his move!

* * *

Mark sat at the bar with a beer in his hand looking down at the floor dejected. He just couldn't believe how things had gone so wrong today. He only meant well.

"So, this is where you're drowning your sorrows?"

Mark looked up to face an almost smug Derek looking down at him as he dragged a stool next to him.

"What do you want?" he grunted, miserably.

Derek smiled at Mark and took a swig of his drink before replying. "Oh you know… thought I'd come and see how exactly you were going to drown away the days events. And so I came here… you are very predictable. You know that, Mark?"

Mark looked up at him. "You know what I do know? You should get a life… Now if you don't mind, I'm having a private drink…"

"Actually I do mind!" Derek replied. "You know where I should be right now?"

"No."

"I should be having dinner with Meredith. I booked the best table at a posh restaurant across town. Got my bunch of flowers ready."

"You? Flowers?" Mark mocked.

Derek ignored him. "I had it all planned out. It was going to be a romantic dinner, just the two of us with no hospital drama or distractions to spoil it."

"Well go then!" Mark grunted. "I'm not stopping you!"

"Well actually you are. By upsetting Izzie, Meredith has no become preoccupied with looking after her and can't actually come out. Thanks mate. Thanks a lot."

Mark looked at Derek, quite concerned. "Is she ok?"

"Yeah she's fine. She didn't know I had anything planned because it was a surprise."

"Not Meredith – Izzie. Is Izzie ok?"

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Well after locking herself in her room it took Alex about an hour to unscrew the locks so Meredith could make sure she was ok. And then when Meredith did get in Izzie cried for abut another two hours. But apart from that she is absolutely fine!" Derek paused. "Why are you pretending to care anyone?"

"I do care!" Mark replied fiercely. "Do you think I wanted to hurt her?"

"Honestly, I have no idea what you are trying to do but seriously… can't you pick on someone who can look after themselves. You know, like Cristina Yang or something?"

Mark shook his head. "I don't want to talk about this…"

Derek nodded. "That's you game, I remember it now. Mess with people, hurt them and then pretend it never happened."

"Shut up Derek. You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"You know what? You're right. I don't. And you know why? Because I have absolutely no idea why you are going after Izzie Stevens? What the hell do you think you're playing at? She has cancer!"

"I know that!"

"So what _are_ you doing? Izzie Stevens? You seriously decided to make her your next target. I mean come on Mark!"

"She's not my target!" Mark argued, angrily. "I like her. A lot."

Derek grinned at him without saying anything.

"What?" Mark questioned.

Derek just laughed to himself.

"What?" Mark repeated, irritably.

"I just don't get why you're even lying to me. You don't like anyone Mark. Let alone Izzie Stevens!"

"How would you know?"

"Because it's what you do. You have your easy screws… the nurses… all of that nonsense. And then you target women to go after, the challenging ones. The ones who won't just jump into bed with you."

"I think you're getting confused between you and me. You're the one who likes the chase."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "It's ok to like the chase! But you… You come, you see and then you conquest. Or at least you try to. Izzie is your latest conquest."

Mark didn't even want to dignify that with a response. "You know what…just get lost…"

Derek shrugged. "It's true Mark. Like Addison. You knew her for years whilst we were in Uni and even as Interns. But you only made your move on her we got married. Because only then would it be a conquest. Only then could you actually have achieved something."

"That is not true," Mark almost shouted back at him. "Well thanks Derek. It's great to see what you really think of me."

"Don't even deny it Mark… that's exactly what you're doing with Stevens. She's been around you for ages. She's been single, she's been rebounding, she's been hurt, she's been in dodgy relationships and she's been grieving. You could have used any of those opportunities to screw her over but you didn't. Why? It's not hard enough. Not a big enough challenge. Then she got cancer, and you saw the opportunity. Getting Stevens now… well, wouldn't that be a conquest?"

Mark stared at Derek for a moment looking staggered. It was almost as if Derek had slapped him in the face.

"What?" Derek asked, surprised by Mark's reaction.

Mark just stared at him sadly. "If that is what you really think of me then clearly you don't know me at all."

To Derek's amazement Mark rose from the bar and walked away.

"Mark?" Derek called after him, confused.

"Oh come on Mark. I was only joking. Come back?"

Mark kept walking without even turning to look back, leaving Derek looking completely stunned.

Derek quickly got up and rushed after him. "Mark!" he called out as Mark walked out of the bar. He grabbed him ad pulled him around. "Mark, what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? You mean apart from the fact that you, my best friend, or previous best friend, whatever would think that I would actually take advantage of a girl like that. You really think I would pursue Izzie because she has cancer? Just as some kind of personal conquest to overcome? Just so I can boast to the rest of the hospital that I'd screwed Dr. Stevens, the one with breast cancer?" Mark just shook his head. "You really think I am capable of that?"

Derek stared at him. He was stunned over how upset Mark seemed to be. He did not expect it at all. "Of course I don't," he replied, quietly.

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Then why did you say it?" He paused for a moment almost lost for words. "I would never do that. I would never ever take advantage of someone like that. I'm not that guy. Granted I screw around but never would I go after someone because they have cancer. That is a repulsive thing to do!"

Derek nodded. "Ok. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry! I want you to understand. I didn't run after Addison because she married you. I went after her because you, not me, you abandoned her and she turned to me. I fell in love with her. And I was the guy that you never were to her. And with Izzie… I didn't see cancer as an opportunity to move in on her. To screw her or to have her as another notch on my bed post. Cancer was an opportunity for me to get to know her. And now that I do, I'm crazy about her."

Derek nodded. "Alright. You're right. I was wrong."

Mark shrugged. "Well yeah you were. But you're my best friend or at least you used to be. You know me better then anyone else. And this is what you think of me? You really think I'm capable of that? I mean… no wonder Izzie hates me."

"No, I don't think you're capable of that."

"Then why did you say it?"

Derek looked at him, hesitantly. "Because… Izzie Stevens? She's not your type."

"My type?"

"Yeah. She's is sweet and emotional. She's that kind of girl who's hopeful and optimistic. She likes Christmas. She likes… she likes people. Patient and bedside manner are important to her. She is idealistic. She's a hard worker, not a typical surgical slasher. And she bakes! She bakes, Mark!"

Mark shrugged. "So?"

"So, you don't go out with girls who bake. You like the fiery type. The cruel to be kind types. The ones who put surgery and sex on the top of their to do list, and baking muffins at the bottom. The strong women. The ones with guts. The powerful ones."

"She is strong," Mark answered slowly. "Not in the typical way. She doesn't walk around knocking guys to the floor and telling people what to do. But she is strong. She went weeks without telling anyone she had breast cancer, and that kind of strength is immeasurable. And she is fiery. She challenges people! She demands respects and fights for it. She has a thirst to prove people wrong. And she does. And she is a brilliant surgeon. I mean, I've heard stories… first few weeks as an intern she cut a patient's chest open and removed a clot from a guy's heart with her hands. Or the ferry accident where she drilled holes into a mans head. And she does have guts. I mean the whole heart patient thing. What was his name? She cut his LVAD wire to put him at the top of the donor list?"

"Denny Duquette. You think that was admirable?" Derek asked, surprised.

"I think it was brave. It shows that she is fierce. And it shows passion. Whatever anyone says about that you know that if it was Meredith lying there that you would have done the same…"

Derek paused for a moment and nodded slightly. "Maybe…"

Mark smiled. "And she's stunning, isn't she? I used to joke about it and everything but no wonder she is out of debt. With a body like that, I bet all the modeling agencies wanted her."

"But she has cancer now?"

"I know. And I get that. I don't want to hurt her or rush her into anything. But I can help. I mean, she's been around my house a few times and we've done computer model surgeries and we've had good times. I just need her to give me a chance. To show her I could be good for her."

Derek watched him curiously. "I thought you were just on the rebound after Addison… but you really like her, don't you?"

He shrugged and looked at the floor. "Yeah. I do."

"Then why did you upset her today? Why did you make you're move too soon?"

"I didn't! Derek, she kissed me!"

"She kissed you?"

"Yeah, she kissed me. And stupid me… I didn't know what too do. So I just sort of pulled away and she completely got the wrong end of the stick. She thought I didn't want her because of the cancer. Because she was too… too ugly or something. I don't know!"

"Oh…" Derek sighed slowly. "I see… well didn't you just explain that you didn't want to take advantage?"

"Well no – she didn't give me the time. She just kept going on and on about how I sleep with everyone, so she must be really bad if I wouldn't touch her! I didn't really know what to do!"

"Well you have to see where she's coming from. She was a model. She was used to the fact that even though she was brought up in a trailer park and she had to pay her way through medical school, she at least had her looks. And now, in her opinion, she doesn't. So she was hurt, and then you rejected her which made her feel any worse!"

"So what should I have done? Had sex with her? Take advantage? Derek, I was trying to be the better guy!"

"I know that! But she doesn't!" Derek explained. "You have to explain that to her…"

"She won't listen. She won't even let me go near her. And I bet Alex Karev won't let me anywhere near me either!"

"Forget Karev. You need to prove to her that the way she looks doesn't matter to you. That you want _her_. Not anything else."

Mark rolled his eyes at him. "Well thank you for that, but how exactly am I supposed to prove that to her? Thought of that one, have you?"

Derek looked at him, smiling slightly. "I have, actually… but you won't do it!"

"Yes I will. If it helps… Of course I will do it!"

Derek grinned. "You won't do it!"

"Yes I will!"

"No you won't!"

"Yes I will!"

"No you won't!"

Mark punched him in the arm. "Shut up. I'll do it. Whatever it is. I'll do it!"

"That hurt!"

"I don't care. What can I do?" he asked, impatiently. But he grinned at Derek, happily.

Derek smiled back at him. "Come with me…"

* * *

(The next day)

Derek walked inside the house with Mark following nervously. He walked into the kitchen where Meredith was and cleared his throat.

"Derek!" she exclaimed, looking surprised. "You didn't come home last night, and you weren't in hospital today! I was worried!"

"I'm sorry. I was with Mark."

"Mark?"

"Yeah. We got talking at the bar… Is Izzie here?"

"She's in her room, why?"

"Cause I've got Mark here. He'd like to talk to her!"

"Mark is here? Why did you bring him here? Derek, he'll only upset her."

"No trust me, he won't. He just wants to say a few words. Please Meredith!"

"It took me hours to calm her down last night. Can't you see how fragile she is?"

"I promise he won't upset her! Look, he just wants to apologise."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "If he hurts her Derek, I won't be responsible for my actions."

Derek grinned. "Thank you so much!"

"I mean it, Derek, if I see one single tear I'm Christina hear to whip your ass!"

"You could do it yourself, you know."

"Shut up!"

Derek grinned and turned back to Mark who was practicing his speech in the hallway. "You can go up."

Mark nodded, nervously. "Good. Great." He walked up the stairs, absolutely petrified. He was nervous. Mark never felt nervous. Ever.

Mark knocked on Izzie's door and waited for a response. Nothing came. "Izzie, it's Mark. I just want to talk." He paused. "Please? Just hear me out. It won't take long. Just let me say my bit and then I'll leave."

Izzie walked over to the door but could not bring herself to open it. She didn't want to see him. Not after what happened earlier. She couldn't face him. She just felt too humiliated.

Mark waited for a few moments before continuing. "Ok… well here's the thing Iz. I kind of need to talk to you. You got completely the wrong end of the stick yesterday. So I'm going to talk. You can listen if you want. Or you don't have to. Or maybe you're asleep. I never thought of that…" he trailed off. "Well even if you are asleep maybe it's better. Cause this is kind of embarrassing. And not very me. But here goes…"

He pulled out the notes that Derek wrote down for him. He cleared his throat and began to read. "Izzie. I know what happened earlier was unfortunate. I was trying to be nice but it was misinterpreted. I want you to know that I am sorry. I never wish to hurt you so please forgive me." Mark stared at the piece of paper uncertainly. "You know what?" he asked, screwing up the paper. "That's not really what I want to say at all. I'm gonna start again."

He threw the paper onto the floor and leant against the door. "I'm a manwhore. I admit it. There's no point pretending I'm not because I am. I've slept with nearly all the surgical nurses. I screw around with people's wives and girlfriends. And if I had a daughter, I would not want her being with someone like me. In fact I would make sure she avoided people like me as friends or lovers. But aside from that rather insignificant detail I care about you. And for once in my life I didn't want to jump you at the first given opportunity. You deserve more then that and I want to give you more respect then that. It's got nothing to do with the fact you have cancer or that you're loosing your hair or anything! It's just… I wanted to be a better guy then that. The fact that you look different makes no difference to me. You're still hot. And you're still the same person…"

Izzie leant against the door hanging onto every word Mark said. She didn't know whether to believe him or not but she wanted to so badly.

"Izzie… I was stupid. I should have told you earlier why I didn't want to sleep with you. It's just… I know you don't want someone to screw. You just want someone to hold you. I get that. And I know that you won't believe me when I say this and you have no reason to either but… You're funny and challenging, and beautiful and… well, really, you deserve someone amazing because you are. And I'm not really that guy. But if you need someone to hold you – I can be that person. I know I don't have the best track record of being that person and I know you could probably sue me sexual harassment for some of the things I've said to you in the past… and I know I'm not good enough for you. But I just thought… if you are ever crazy enough to actually want a guy like me… I'm not actually that bad!"

Izzie laid her head back against the door. She couldn't believe Mark Sloan – Dr McSteamy – was saying these things to her. Izzie Stevens. She had always felt something for Mark since he helped her plan her treatment. She felt she saw a different side of him. A caring and compassionate side that no one else ever saw. But why would he want her?

Mark waited at the door to see if Izzie responded and looked disappointed when he heard nothing. "Well I think I've made an idiot out of myself enough today… so I'm gonna go." He stopped for a moment. "I know I'm not the kind of guy you want. I'm not the kind of guy you've had in the past but… I'm an expert in plastics! I can get you scrubbing in on any surgery you want. That must count for something!" he joked. There was no response so Mark began to move away. "Well hey, if you're awake, please don't tell anyone about this… I don't get rejected much!" he added. "But if you're asleep you're probably lucky. I'm not a good public speaker or anything. You didn't miss much!" He sighed and walked away. He didn't really know what he was expecting but he was hoping that Izzie would at least talk to him.

Izzie suddenly opened the door. She picked up Derek's notes that Mark had thrown to the ground and smiled. "I'm glad you chucked these notes. It didn't sound like you at all!"

Mark turned around shocked. "Wow… Iz… I actually thought you were asleep!"

Izzie opened her mouth to reply but her jaw hit the floor when she looked back at Mark. She stood staring at him without knowing what to say.

Mark stared back at her. "Uh… Izzie?"

"You cut your hair," she replied simply. "You cut…all your hair."

Mark looked slightly embarrassed. "Well not all of it. Just most of it… You don't like it?"

"No, of course I do," Izzie argued quickly. "I mean, it looks great of course. But… why?"

Mark smiled at her. "Well, I just kind of wanted to show you that it doesn't really mater what you look like… or if you had hair or not… it doesn't change who you are. I mean, are you less attracted to me because of the cut?"

Izzie looked down. "Who said I was attracted to you in the first place?"

He laughed. "Well, you did come onto me… "

Izzie nodded awkwardly. "Yep, I guess I did…" She looked up at him. "You really cut most of your hair off for me?"

Mark shrugged. "Well it probably needed a cut but yeah… Look Iz… You're who I want. Not your hair. Not your breasts. Not your health. You. Izzie Stevens."

"You want me?" Izzie repeated, nervously.

Mark moved towards her with his signature swagger and charming smile. "I want you…" he replied softly.

Izzie literally felt like she was melting. Her legs felt like jelly and she couldn't move as Mark wrapped his strong arms around her. She felt so safe in his arms, so comforted.

"I want you," he repeated looking straight into her eyes. He caressed her cheek affectionately before kissing her lips gently.

Izzie could almost feel her heart explode as his lips touched hers. For a man of such arrogance and confidence he could be surprisingly soft and she felt over the moon.

Mark pulled away from her and squeezed her hand. "I'll be back tomorrow… Pick you up at 10am, ok?"

Izzie looked surprised. "Where are you going?"

Mark grinned. "I'm going to plan tomorrow…"

"Do you have to go?"

Mark nodded. "Yeah but don't worry. I'll be back tomorrow although hopefully I'll be less embarrassing and soppy then."

Izzie grinned.

"Good night Izzie."

"Good night Mark."

He left her in the hallway and tried not to run down the steps in excitement. He had done it. He had actually done it. Made Izzie Stevens like him. Mark never thought he would get so excited about a girl again. Not after Addison. But something attracted him to Izzie. He didn't know what it was but he wanted to help her. He wanted to look after. He just… he wanted her.

* * *

A/N: Please review. Please please please! Would be good to know whether I'm going down the right track or if anyone has ideas! Thanks for reading!

Sherry x


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